Butt sex hurts lady bloggers

 Since 6th grade, my boyfriends have been wanting to stick it in my pooper. I’ll be the first to admit: I was a slutty adolescent. However, I reached no impossible level of sluttitude that my 13 year old pussy shouldn’t have been adequate, even for the most pencil dicked quarterback.

Let’s all just take a breath now, and shout WTF IS WRONG WITH MEN!?

I was 18 and stoned out my mind before I finally gave in. I was having a “maybe we can make it work this time” fling with an old boyfriend, at the home of my dead friend’s mom, and so high he may have well been a melting chocolate monkey.

It was good. It was damn good. I think it was in my butt, and it didn’t hurt. Looking back, it very well could have been in my eye and it wouldn’t have hurt. Ahhh, drugs. I love me some drugs. We broke up shortly after, but long after the keymarks on the hood of his Camaro were sanded and painted, I still remembered the feeling.

An ex- husband and 2 boyfriends later, I sought to reclaim this ecstasy. He told me it was not a good idea. I said I wanted to. He obeyed. We didn’t get very far.

BUTTSEX HURTS!

Then, I had this brilliant idea:

Let’s do it “normally”, but when I get really into it, before I girl-jizz, you pull out and slide right in. It’ll be great. I won’t be all tense. Trust me. He told me it was a very bad idea. I said I wanted to. He obeyed. He got kicked in the head. Hard. Better luck next time, dude.

So how the hell do you do it?

I know some of our readers are assfuck fiends, so I expect plenty of helpful comments.
(This means you, Leaky, Note, Stiletto, Deviant)

-bagel