Ration Reality

hyperbolic excellence

Reason #19 why I’m going to hell

with 57 comments

Pardonnez-moi, monsieur. Je ne l’ai pas fait exprès.
(Pardon me, sir. I did not do it on purpose.)
Last words of Marie Antoinette

I made this a few months ago. It’s wrong and I’m sorry.


Every time you kill Jesus, Hitler murders your ancestors.
Don’t kill Jesus.

Pray for me.

Related posts:  That’s just wong! – Reason #18 Why I’m Going to Hell – My shit’s on random
LolKill: Like LolCats, but deader  – LOLTheist: Blasphemy is Teh Funneh

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Written by The Bagel of Everything

February 6, 2008 at 4:50 am

57 Responses

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  1. I like it.

    jasmincormier

    February 6, 2008 at 11:23 am

  2. Micky, cover your eyes!

    Kevin

    February 6, 2008 at 11:24 am

  3. Its a good thing that picture never happened.

    David Cole

    February 6, 2008 at 11:31 am

  4. Fuck, Bagel. You know what this is gonna do. Got any pictures of dead slaves? Jews killing Jesus? Tom Landry getting fired? Asian-American death camps?

    keywork.

    February 6, 2008 at 11:32 am

  5. Jasmin: I don’t. I offended myself!

    Kevin: Indeed. Damn lying photographic evidence!

    The Bagel of Everything

    February 6, 2008 at 11:37 am

  6. Key: No, but I’m sure I can dig some up.

    The Bagel of Everything

    February 6, 2008 at 11:38 am

  7. We try not to crosspost, but this link was sent to us. If you’re going to burn, you may as well enjoy.

    LOL Heathen

    February 6, 2008 at 11:41 am

  8. Wow. That one hurts. But I’m pretty sure if we (the Jews) could do the whole Jesus thing over again, we wouldn’t change a thing.

    Also, in the future I ask you to NOT use my family portraits in your artwork without my permission.

    Scott

    February 6, 2008 at 11:41 am

  9. Also, those involved in the holocaust weren’t just one group. The Nazis hated everyone! Their standards were so strict, that, if left to do as they pleased, they would have killed everyone who wasn’t a nazi, and then turned on eachother (almost anyone you tell that to will say I’m stupid or nuts, but I can back it up). Name a group (besides nazi aryans) and they hated it. Everyone knows how they felt about jews, gays, and journalists…but did you know they hated Christians as well? They hadn’t started killing Christians en masse yet, but they would have, soon as all the others were gone. They had their own weird little religion, something about themselves being norse gods. Oh, and atheists, short people, cripples…everyone! I never got why the Japanese and Italians thought they would be good allies, because the Nazis would have obliterated them too, after they didnt need them anymore!

    Kevin

    February 6, 2008 at 11:42 am

  10. LolHeath: That’s most excellently offensive. I don’t get what you mean by ‘crosspost’?

    Scott: If it’s on the internets, it’s fair game. Stop filling your flickr with mass graves, k?

    The Bagel of Everything

    February 6, 2008 at 11:45 am

  11. Kevin: That’s some damn good reasoning. Prolly the first time you’ve ever made sense. Good job!

    The Bagel of Everything

    February 6, 2008 at 11:48 am

  12. A 12 year old could have made the “joke” you made.

    Kevin

    February 6, 2008 at 11:51 am

  13. Kevin: Wow..26 days ago, when I said you were having your period, I thought I was joking. But damn, your cycle is more regular than mine! I’ll have to start keeping it in my calendar.

    The Bagel of Everything

    February 6, 2008 at 12:11 pm

  14. I think you’re being intellectually dishonest.

    Kevin

    February 6, 2008 at 12:19 pm

  15. Hehe ok I’m done copy pasting the comments you made to me when I denied the holocaust Bagel :-p

    Hey check this out: http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5jF2q4QtEfjzlCtkNJ6CeN2TMJQSQD8U3KT981

    It’s funny because _______________ ((fill in the blank))

    Kevin

    February 6, 2008 at 12:32 pm

  16. The Romans are the ones who actually killed Jesus. The Jews rejection of Jesus and his prophecy had not quite as much to do with his death.

    micky2

    February 6, 2008 at 2:31 pm

  17. I know, Micky. But the Romans weren’t looking to kill Jesus. The Jews wanted him dead, and the Romans liked to kill people, so the Jews took the passive approach and made someone else do their dirty work.

    keywork.

    February 6, 2008 at 2:42 pm

  18. Yes, but who will kill Tom Cruise?

    Anonymous

    February 6, 2008 at 2:44 pm

  19. Kevin: If you’re trying to call me a hypocrite, that’s old news. Look at this post’s tags. WWII, blasphemy, history, hypocrisy, jesus, nazis, religion, satire

    Micky: Yay for not being pissed! Also, I didn’t know that.

    KW: Kinda like the US and the Syrians, with torture?

    Anon: In 4 days, we shall see.

    The Bagel of Everything

    February 6, 2008 at 2:45 pm

  20. Bagel: Ok, if the U.S. is Jesus and the Syrians are Rome, Making Iraqis the new Jews?

    keywork.

    February 6, 2008 at 2:52 pm

  21. I was thinking US was the Jews, Syria was Rome, and I suppose the POWs would be Jesus? Ack, I don’t think I like that metaphor much.

    The Bagel of Everything

    February 6, 2008 at 2:55 pm

  22. My version works better. The Iraqi’s couldn’t or wouldn’t kill us, they wanted us to bring money and gifts and get rid of tyranny. So we went there to get rid of tyranny (Saddam, Baath Party). Then we stayed there, the Syrians came in, the Iraqis protected and housed them, the Syrians started killing Americans. In record numbers. Not sure where the Chechnyans fit in, but they’re some American killing motherfuckers too. I don’t like this analogy either. Let’s try another.

    keywork.

    February 6, 2008 at 3:06 pm

  23. Oh, how could I forget? We also went there because all the oil is over there. Stupid raccoon.

    keywork.

    February 6, 2008 at 3:07 pm

  24. I was talking about how we ship prisoners over to Syria, even tho we don’t Syria.
    We got some people need tortured, they like to torture. It’s win+win.

    The Bagel of Everything

    February 6, 2008 at 3:08 pm

  25. The US was a big ole beautiful tranny that the Iraqis thought was a real woman. While our big silicones were dangling in their faces the shlong got slipped in. In the form of a huge embassey. But as sexually repressed as these people are , they’re enjoying it.
    The Syrians (along with Iranian gaurdsmen) were just a bad case of the clap.
    The Chechnyans are like the the camera man jacking offf to the whole thing.

    micky2

    February 6, 2008 at 3:15 pm

  26. Yeah, I see, but the only people we have fought in Iraq have been Syrians. From day fucking one in 2003, that’s who we’ve been fighting. The Iraqis ran, surrendered, didn’t fight. So, not only do they kill us there, we give them people to torture as well. We must be Jesus to take this type of a fucking.

    keywork.

    February 6, 2008 at 3:16 pm

  27. Too rich for my blood.
    I fold.

    The Bagel of Everything

    February 6, 2008 at 3:37 pm

  28. Did Micky slip you something again?

    keywork.

    February 6, 2008 at 3:42 pm

  29. Key,
    Smack induced sexual fantasies including your family members have been sidelined.
    But she might of slipped on her puddle.

    micky2

    February 6, 2008 at 3:53 pm

  30. Oh I’m sorry I didn’t READ the LABELS under the post! My bad, that makes it all better I suppose.

    Micky, I bet you did not see The Passion of the Christ where it was CLEARLY state that the Jews did Jesus. I’m guessing you also didn’t see Apocalypto, where the Jews were blamed for Mayan deaths.

    Kevin

    February 6, 2008 at 4:15 pm

  31. Did anyone see Who Framed Roger Rabbit, where the Jews killed cartoons?

    keywork.

    February 6, 2008 at 4:20 pm

  32. Yes Kevin, I saw both movies.
    I have also read the bible and been a student in at least 3 bible studies.
    Last I checked the Passion is not any authority for theological studies.
    The Passion was an opinionated rendition as are most Christian faiths today of what really happened. You have to take Mel Gibson with the perspective that he is a human , vulnerable to perspective and concept.
    The Romans plainly killed jesus. I did not say the Jews had no part in it.

    micky2

    February 6, 2008 at 4:43 pm

  33. Key,
    The Jews made kryptonite also.

    micky2

    February 6, 2008 at 4:49 pm

  34. Bastards.

    keywork.

    February 6, 2008 at 4:51 pm

  35. They’re hiding it somewhere in the diamond market disguised as emeralds.

    micky2

    February 6, 2008 at 4:54 pm

  36. You’re a bad person, bagel. A very, very bad person.

    I say that in the nicest way possible. ;)

    Cody

    February 6, 2008 at 6:58 pm

  37. Does anyone else love the fact that Kevin is the only one butthurt over this?

    The Bagel of Everything

    February 6, 2008 at 11:27 pm

  38. I didn’t find it funny. It’s a hard subject in which to find humor, but it’s not as inflammatory as denying the Holocaust.

    @ Micky: I’ve never conceived of the “tranny” analogy, but it’s probably the best way I’ve ever heard it explained!

    @ Kevin: I’m not surprised Mel Gibson blames the Jews for the collapse of Mayan civilization. I’m sure he probably thinks a Jew threw the 1919 World Series. Oh, wait… Jews didn’t fire Landry, either. They blackmailed Jerry Jones’ goyischer ass into doing it.

    @ Keywork: The Romans saw Jesus as trouble. He had mobilized the Jews and disrupted the money-changers at the Temple. They gave the choice to the Jews, banking on the fact that Jesus didn’t overthrow the Empire, as they’d believed he would.

    Jews kill cartoons all the time, it’s called “Cancellation”.

    Soylent Ape

    February 7, 2008 at 12:05 am

  39. I just think you’re a total dickwad for having disrespected the Jewish dead is all. Just because you are married to a jew does not give you the right to put funny captions under the corpses of them. Don’t you know that the tactics the Nazis used are the same tactics that Al Qaeda are using towards us and their surrounding victims? its about time old farts like you understood that.

    Kevin

    February 7, 2008 at 12:06 am

  40. Oh, Kevin !
    Have you seen “Jesus Christ Superstar ?” Jesus rocks in that one !

    I’ll bet Judas had something to do with the death of Jesus, something about gold coins and a kiss. Anyway, in the movie Judas is a black guy. And boy ! Could he sing and dance !
    Soooooooooooooo, maybe the black panthers killed Jesus?

    micky2

    February 7, 2008 at 12:22 am

  41. That’s not funny, Jesus killed my parents you know. :(

    Kevin

    February 7, 2008 at 12:44 am

  42. Kevin: “does not give you the right to put funny captions under the corpses”
    So, you admit it’s funny!
    Also, I’m an American. That gives me the right. We aren’t living in Germany.

    If I cannot confess my sins on my blog, then where?

    Are you going to write about me again? I masturbated 17 times to the last one.

    Micky: Hell, I’d kill a man for 30 blingblings and front row seating at a hot man-on-savior kiss.

    Cody: I’m not bad. I just blog that way.

    The Bagel of Everything

    February 7, 2008 at 1:01 am

  43. re:crosspost – so far i’ve avoided the temptation of grabbing stuff off the net to fill content for the site.

    LOL Heathen

    February 7, 2008 at 1:08 am

  44. I’ve killed for less.
    When I die , my spirit will be emusified with a new born planet.
    And I will be Jesus to everyone on that planet. Whenever God gets around to putting people on that planet, say, in a couple billion years.
    And then I’ll spread the word of God just like jesus did.
    And the black panthers will kill me.

    micky2

    February 7, 2008 at 1:15 am

  45. LolHeath: You’re welcome to anything of mine. I don’t think we have alot of reader overlap.
    I actually showed this to LolTheist a long time ago. She said she laughed, but I think I made her afraid. :)

    The Bagel of Everything

    February 7, 2008 at 1:17 am

  46. I think this is an important thing to remember: yes, it’s not funny, but no one said it was supposed to be.

    I think this calls for a new rule: everything is captionable.

    Cody

    February 7, 2008 at 1:18 am

  47. Micky: “And the black panthers will kill me.” bwahahahahahah!

    Cody: I thought that was the old rule? Frankly, I think people should see those horrible pictures. They aren’t being shown to the new generation. If it takes a lame, immature joke to get them to look at it, then so be it.

    The Bagel of Everything

    February 7, 2008 at 1:22 am

  48. I think most people can agree that a pile of bodies isn’t a funny thing–unless those bodies are personal injury lawyers.

    Soylent Ape

    February 7, 2008 at 7:20 am

  49. @bagel

    Admit that I schooled you! Remember, let’s not be intellectually dishonest!

    Kevin

    February 7, 2008 at 11:31 am

  50. Kevin, my dear, I’ll admit anything if it’ll hush you up.

    The Bagel of Everything

    February 7, 2008 at 11:43 am

  51. Do not include me in any of your addmissions.

    micky2

    February 7, 2008 at 11:49 am

  52. It was a new rule before lolcats came along and ruined everything!

    I think I need an intervention or something…

    Cody

    February 7, 2008 at 2:55 pm

  53. I’d like to point out that this is surely fucking art. I’d lambaste the whole dead jew pile as semitic propoganda if great uncle Hymie wasn’t pulling the martyr in repose pose in mid pile.

    criminyjicket

    February 7, 2008 at 6:42 pm

  54. Micky: I wouldn’t dream of it.

    Cody: I love lolcats!

    CJ: He was totally posed for ‘the big finish’. JAZZ HANDS!

    The Bagel of Everything

    February 8, 2008 at 1:57 am

  55. JAZZ HANDS?!?!?

    you kill me bagel….don’t ever change

    criminyjicket

    February 8, 2008 at 6:51 am

  56. […] posts: More human than banned cartoons – Reason #19 why I’m going to hell TLDR Biographies: Egon Schiele – Hip-Hop Hitler – Illegal in Germany « Sentenced […]

  57. Hitler totete MIllionen Menschen im Namen “Jesus Christus” – Lukas 19:27.

    Max Benser

    July 24, 2017 at 10:28 am


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