Ration Reality

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Archive for the ‘animals’ Category

LolKill: Like LolCats, but deader

with 38 comments

It is told that Buddha, going out to look on life, was greatly daunted by death. “They all eat one another!” he cried, and called it evil. This process I examined, changed the verb, said, “They all feed one another,” and called it good.  – Charlotte Perkins Gilman

Roadkill + lol = lolkill.
Like lolcats, but deader.

Wait for it…wait for it… wait for it… LOL!!!1

Squirrel Jesus died for ur sins. Squirrel Jesus loves you. Read the rest of this entry »


Written by The Bagel of Everything

November 15, 2007 at 12:34 pm

Pete Doherty Cracks Cats Up

with 20 comments

Wannabe “rock star” Pete Doherty used to merely annoy me with his posturing. His insistence of following the well-worn rock ‘n’ roll chemical highway traveled by Keith Richards, Johnny Thunders and Iggy Pop before him is neither original nor particularly noteworthy. Getting busted, overdosing and getting tossed out of bands for excessive drug abuse is by no measure new in the world of popular music, circa now.

It’s his perogative to fuck up his body and mind and, at least in Britain, it’s given the model/poet/musician/fuckup an assload of publicity courtesy of the insidious red-ink press. However, Doherty crossed a major line recently, and his offense should not be ignored. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by Soylent Ape

October 28, 2007 at 2:57 am

A lure worse than the disease

with 18 comments

DeerBusters Wolf Urine: A lure worse than the disease

Amazon.com Sales Rank: #250,402 in Kitchen & Dining (<– WTF?)

Amazon Product Description
Use our 100 percent urine lures to create the illusion predators are present in the area you wish. Great for photographers, gardeners, hunters and wildlife enthusiasts.

It seems this product is intended to keep vicious, vegetation-sucking deer away from your campsite or garden, using the pheromone-rich urine of a she-wolf in heat. Deer apparently don’t care to be around horny she-wolves. Know what animal does seek out the pheromonal goodness of horny she-wolves?

Yeah, this product is a good idea.

More Worst Gift Ever nominees:

Written by The Bagel of Everything

October 8, 2007 at 5:21 am

Dogged surfers recover four-Legged friend

with 7 comments

Two Surfers showed great skill and bravery on Sep. 11 when they rescued a beloved pet swept into Lake Michigan from a stationary pier. Matt Smolenski and Joe Riopelle witnessed a huge wave break onto the South Pier at Grand Haven, MI, knocking Joe Badgero off of his feet and carrying his medium-sized dog back into the lake.

Smolenski paddled toward the struggling dog and braced her on his surfboard. After paddling against the strong rip current for some time, Riopelle helped his friend and the dog the rest of the way. The dog, described by the Muskegon Chronicle as an “older, mixed-breed” named Shell-B, accompanied Badgero to the pier regularly and is said to enjoy barking at the waves. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by Soylent Ape

September 29, 2007 at 3:39 am

Pigeons: The Flying Enemy

with 26 comments

The horrible collapse of the I-35 bridge in Minneapolis this August highlights the aging highway infrastructure in our motoring society. One can only hope that it will underscore the need to pay closer attention to the roads and bridges that are in urgent need of repair all over the United States. One thing is certain, though. It has alerted us to a major threat to our standing structures:

Pigeons. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by Soylent Ape

September 8, 2007 at 4:41 am

And you thought you had a bad week

with 4 comments

We’ve often heard the securities market likened to a wilderness and traders, brokers and such said to be predators. Well, at least one stockbroker knows that’s all bullshit, because no one’s ever died a violent death on the floor of a stock exchange. Well…outside of Pakistan, that is. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by Soylent Ape

August 25, 2007 at 9:37 am

You tell anyone, I’ll kill your family

with 10 comments

I can’t for the life of me figure out why ichc doesn’t want my lolcats. I mean, it’s a family site, and here’s one about family love! What gives, chz?

Read the rest of this entry »

Written by The Bagel of Everything

July 23, 2007 at 12:39 pm