Ration Reality

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Archive for the ‘gifts’ Category

Guide to Genital Play and Torment

with 36 comments

family jewels cover As an angry feminist, I love kicking men in the balls and pricking their scrotes with rusty pins. It doesn’t turn me on, but it sure makes me happy. Thanks to the magic of the internets, I’ve discovered something wondrous: there are men who not only enjoy such treatment, but will pay dearly for it! 

To prove to myself this wasn’t just internet lore, I went in search of hardcopy evidence. There is a damned fine mess of books out there on the subject; I think Family Jewels: A Guide to Male Genital Play & Torment is the one for me. Unfortunately, I was able to dig up precious little information about this book.

Here’s what the publisher has to say about it: Read the rest of this entry »


Written by The Bagel of Everything

May 9, 2008 at 2:47 am

Ain’t that sweet!

with 19 comments

I was surfing the net for a birthday gift for The Nephew of Everything. I found this poster, instead. Awe! It’s very me, don’t you think? Naturally, I arted my reaction:

what, no butterflies?
I’m going to buy the poster and put the words on the matting.

 Related posts: Juanita the Wonton Bitch – Daddy says we is gunna be movie stars – Mr. Fluff Must Die 

Written by The Bagel of Everything

April 26, 2008 at 11:28 am

Fuckin’ charming

with 32 comments

Three Christmases ago, I got my first charm bracelet. It’s a sweet little silver thing with a kitty cat charm. I’ve never cared for jewelry, but I adored my bracelet. I expected I’d get more charms for it on future holidays, but I didn’t. The charms on a charm bracelet are supposed to represent the interests of the wearer. A bracelet with only one charm doesn’t say alot of good about my personality. A single kitty cat charm SCREAMS “crazy cat lady!”

So I powered up the internet machine, in search of mass-produced charms more fitting a unique individual like myself. Wow…

silver disembodied deer head
Disembodied Deer Head

A winged penis charm from eBay

Read the rest of this entry »

Written by The Bagel of Everything

April 23, 2008 at 11:04 am

Posted in gifts, jewelry, novelty, shopping

Books that Exist: The Shit of God

with 111 comments

Written by The Bagel of Everything

March 28, 2008 at 2:29 am

You sank my Ball Buster

with 25 comments

… for adults, it’s exciting!

 (thx, lolheathen)

Related posts: The O-Face Game – iJoy: Ridin’ Dirty – I dream of eBay with real human hair

Written by The Bagel of Everything

March 15, 2008 at 5:03 pm

Why does my room smell so bad?

with 27 comments

Dear Cat,

My bedroom doesn’t smell badly enough. I’d really like it if you could find time to defecate next to my bed more often. Also, please be sure to scratch in the litter real loud while I’m sleeping, if you’d be so kind. To facilitate this, I’ve bought you a lovely nightstand-cum-litterbox.

Your loyal servant,

Bagel Read the rest of this entry »

Written by The Bagel of Everything

February 12, 2008 at 7:57 am

Posted in amazon, gifts, pets, shopping, wtf

How to Read a Book

with 10 comments

Written by The Bagel of Everything

February 5, 2008 at 4:28 am