Ration Reality

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Archive for the ‘shopping’ Category

Fuckin’ charming

with 32 comments

Three Christmases ago, I got my first charm bracelet. It’s a sweet little silver thing with a kitty cat charm. I’ve never cared for jewelry, but I adored my bracelet. I expected I’d get more charms for it on future holidays, but I didn’t. The charms on a charm bracelet are supposed to represent the interests of the wearer. A bracelet with only one charm doesn’t say alot of good about my personality. A single kitty cat charm SCREAMS “crazy cat lady!”

So I powered up the internet machine, in search of mass-produced charms more fitting a unique individual like myself. Wow…

silver disembodied deer head
Disembodied Deer Head

A winged penis charm from eBay

Read the rest of this entry »


Written by The Bagel of Everything

April 23, 2008 at 11:04 am

Posted in gifts, jewelry, novelty, shopping

Why does my room smell so bad?

with 27 comments

Dear Cat,

My bedroom doesn’t smell badly enough. I’d really like it if you could find time to defecate next to my bed more often. Also, please be sure to scratch in the litter real loud while I’m sleeping, if you’d be so kind. To facilitate this, I’ve bought you a lovely nightstand-cum-litterbox.

Your loyal servant,

Bagel Read the rest of this entry »

Written by The Bagel of Everything

February 12, 2008 at 7:57 am

Posted in amazon, gifts, pets, shopping, wtf

How to Read a Book

with 10 comments

Written by The Bagel of Everything

February 5, 2008 at 4:28 am

iJoy: Ridin’ Dirty

with 35 comments

If ‘shit eating grin’ is ever a word-of-the-week post, this guy will be our shining example. 

iJoyRide(nDirty): You know you want one. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by The Bagel of Everything

January 25, 2008 at 9:34 am

You say ‘lemming’ like it’s a bad thing.

with 17 comments

You say ‘lemming’ like it’s a tote bag!
…or a hoodie, baby bib, thong panty, postcard…

The revolution will be merchandised.


Written by The Bagel of Everything

January 13, 2008 at 11:53 pm

Making bathtime lulz of fun

with 51 comments

I found these hygiene helpers yesterday, while Kevin was taunting me re: my preference for keeping my salad untossed.

Canus Li’l Goat’s(e) Milk Fruit Fragranced Crayon Soap
How many wrongs can you find?

More ill conceived products:
The tiniest Santa – The Nipple Extractor – A lure worse than the disease 
The Scat of Luxury –  Jesus Saves … guitar picks?

Written by The Bagel of Everything

January 9, 2008 at 6:38 am

Posted in amazon, anus, gifts, hygiene, shopping, wtf

In deepest sympathy (Die soon)

with 25 comments

We’ve got a shiny new multiple-choice greeting card available for you to not buy because you’re a cheap bastard.

 Outside: (Flames) In deepest sympathy


I’ve just heard that you’re
going the hell for being
□gay.  □jewish.  □a furry.
□ugly.  □an asshole.  □dead. 

□Good luck with that.
□Stay away from me.
□Die soon.
□Wanna go out sometime? Read the rest of this entry »

Written by The Bagel of Everything

December 13, 2007 at 9:28 am