Archive for the ‘satire’ Category
Two weeks ago, FoxNews.com released a list of 5 Reasons to See a Gynecologist Immediately.
1. Painful blister-like lesions on the vagina or rectal areas
2. Significant vaginal bleeding
3. Sudden, intense belly pain
4. Post menopausal bleeding.
5. New breast lump
The internet is awash with reasons to see your doctor. No one ever talks about when to leave your doctor the hell alone. We here at ЯR aren’t in bed with the AMA, and welcome frivolous lawsuits. Just because I have no medical training doesn’t mean I can’t make up medical advice that will probably kill you.
Five Reasons to Leave Your Gynecologist The Hell Alone:
1. Rhythmic abdominal cramping followed by the excretion of a screaming, writhing lump of tissue: It’s nothing. Wrap it in plastic bags and bury it in your backyard. Your maternal instinct will tell you to toss it in a dumpster — don’t do this. As an avid viewer of CSI, I know the dumpster-method never ends well. Read the rest of this entry »
Symptom, or Sista’ ?
It’s a game, and you can play!
Some of these are from babynames.org’s list of African-American baby girl names, the remainder from Wikipedia’s list of medical symptoms. Can you tell which is which?
Larhonda Read the rest of this entry »
- Things that make the Little House on the Prairie family cry
- Amazing intra-office communiques
- Soups that Gene Simmons’ nipple hair has been found in
- Animated Gif‘s Soylent Ape has fapped to
- Apples I could have eaten, had I been hungry
- Reasons lemmings hate America
- Pictures of ugly people Kevin has tricked me into looking at
- 800 Cellular telephones weighing under 2 pounds, in no particular order
- White males who enjoy tapwater
- Things to think about while masturbating
- Jewish men who love/hate their mothers
- Ways in which RationReality.com has sold out
The media portrays serial killing as all glitz, glamour, and bludgening. I’ll admit, it is the best job I’ve ever had, but the downsides are killers. Oh, lookie! A pun! I kill me!
And you thought a sociopath couldn’t have a sense of humor! Doesn’t it just make you want to bite your face off?
Ok, enough good natured fun. Here’s my list.
12 things I hate about being a serial-killer
1. Cheating ass maggots. Sure, they tickle my hoohoo lovingly when I’m riding a stiff corpse, but then they go and turn in to flies and fly away to find another body-closet keep them warm at night. Ungrateful fucking sluts.
2. Cheap, chinese made icepicks. I can’t tell you how many living dolls I’ve lost to inferior icepicks breaking off in the eyesocket. Well, I could tell you, but then I’d have to… you know.
3. Charity Thrift Shop Workers. Serial killing is messy work. I often have to burn my clothes to expunge evidence. Also, I like to dress up my playthings. I have to replace my wardrobe several times over each year — that can be expensive! The Goodwill and Salvation Army are big helps, and I’m glad the money I spend goes to help the community, but the people there are seriously creepy.
4. The police artist sketch makes me look fat. Also, like a man. Read the rest of this entry »
You have a few odd names for cities (Likwang, Hangzhou, Fuxin, Fuku), but mostly they’re stupid, boring, and hard to pronounce. You’re missing out on a huge tourist demographic: smart-assed Americans.
We Americans love making fun of China. We love cities with fucked up names. We have endless wealth. Our tourism can make or break your country. Just look what we’ve done for Bangkok! Do you think Thailand would have such an enviable industry of child sex slaves and black-market DVDs if Americans didn’t love saying ‘Bangkok’? Hell no!
“I give handjobs for money, but I’d do it for free”
“I married a black woman to prove I’m not racist”
“I’m sleeping with my son’s wife”
Admit it, you love PostSecret. You read it everyday. You wish you had a dirty little secret to share. Most people just aren’t that interesting. For many of us, that’s our biggest secret.
Good luck getting that on the front page. Fear not, my boring friends. We here at RationReality believe you are just as worthy of voyeurism as those filthy sin-mongers. To that end, we present: Lame Secrets.