Ration Reality

hyperbolic excellence

news

with 17 comments

This is where the old news on our sidebar goes to die. I’ve left comments open, so you can discuss, or share news stories with us.

News:

6-15: Happy I’m-Better-Than-You-Because-I-Know-Who-My-Father-Is Day!

6-11: Sorry kids, I’ve been ill. RR will now resume its regularly scheduled de-programming.

5-30: Aw shucks. You shouldn’t have.

5-29: ReadAtWork.com – E-Books presented in fake Power Point.

5-26: In one ear and out the hymen! Man Rapes Woman Over the Phone

5-23: Are you with a nasty bitch? Check these warning signs.

5-22: FREE SHIT ALERT! WordPress.com is seeking NYC bloggers for opinions. Get $75 in WPcredits (that’s enough for 5 domain names, or some merch!)

5-21: The 60 year old virgin – She has a certificate & everything.

5-20: The Trapper Keeper Archive. I remember so many of these!

5-19: Reading is painful (NSFW)

5-18: What’s the opposite of a shock site? GashEating.co.uk

5-17: Yeah, I fisted your daughter! I fist everyone! ARGH! Friggin internet!

5-16: Grounds of Texas exterminator service overrun by freaky new ant species

5-15: An Open Letter to the South -or- Rejected Ration Reality Entry

5-14: BangedUp.com – News as it was meant to be! Now with 69% more random porn pictures & swear words.

5-12: Guidelines for Shoving Anything Up Anyone Else’s Butt in a Safe & Pleasurable Manner

5-11: Manoverse is for manly men, but I like it, too! Check out The Bacon Flowchart!

5-10: Really Bad Jokes Archive — Wow, that’s dumb.

5-7: If you can listen to The Happy Prince & Other Tales without crying, you are not a worthwhile human being.

5-6: How much masturbation is excessive masturbation?

5-5: Breaking News! SEO Hack still hates Twitter. Twitter responds by not giving a shit.

5-3: If an insult is typed on the internets, but no retards are there to read it, does it offend? This guy thinks so.


AutoFellatio Kitten loves you

5-2: Have you hugged your Jew today? I lol’d. Hard.

5-1: 100 Hottest Librarians – Nominate. Vote. Fap. Repeat.

4-30: Somewhat funny Celeb lookalikes from CosmicTribune

4-29: Got a hankerin for Deep Shit Cookies or Chocolate Armpit Hair, but grama won’t give up the family’s secret recipe? Weird & Different Recipes to the rescue!

4-28: I am a winner! Thanks for your votes, kids.

4-27: ЯR has taken over the WPc tag kittyporn. Just one more step along the path to world domination.

4-26: New wordpress.com feature: Possibly related posts, at the bottom of each post. Be wary; they are keyword based & link offsite. Not to be confused with our handchosen Related Posts.

4-25: Plooptionary.com – Don’t argue with science.

4-23: DRUGS ARE AWESOME! Man arrested after pumping gas into imaginary car.

4-22b: OMG VOTE FOR ME! Mine is the Soma one.

4-22: UK Chapel to be heated by crematorium. “As a final act of generosity, it’s a lovely way for the dead to provide comfort for the living at a difficult time”

4-21: Miss Chernobyl Beauty Pagent! And the winner is… a tie! No, really, a tie. A striped one.

4-18: Quickly! Buy 3 get 1 free books and dvds @ amazon!

4-16: Beware the Funeral Groper! He has porn.

4-15: Super Mario theme song, played by RC car and bottles. Maybe the Chinese aren’t so bad afterall.

4-14: Stop Clown Porn Now!

4-13: Please to play Travian with me? Skyloo @ US6

4-11: How many countries can you name in 5 minutes? It’s way harder than it sounds.

4-10: You can do nothing at CrotchZombie.com. Nothing at all. (listen)

4-9: Think you’re funny? Sign up to get your blog rated at Humor-Blogs

4-8: Are you looking to ease the pain of your poverty REAL fast? Colt45! If advertizing were true

4-7: 20 vintage cereals that would disturb today’s youth — I think I’d like the banana cornflakes. (thx, micky)

4-6: Haikubituary:

Charlton Heston died.
Now, his hands are cold & dead
Quick, let’s take his gun!

4-4: Wikipedia’s List of songs deemed inappropriate by Clear Channel following the September 11, 2001 attacks has a really long title.

4-3: Yahoo Shine — Wow, that’s offensive.

4-2: ForumWarz.com – Holy shit that’s fun!

4-1: Your April Fool’s Joke Sucks. I really hate 4/1.

3-31: Act natural. Don’t turn around. –Misfortune Cookie Generator

3-30I was molested by Bigfoot!” claims babyraper

3-29: Happy blogiversary, Laurie Kendrick! Go wish her well, plzkthx

3-28: Sticky Note Theatre – Yes, it’s as awesome as it sounds.

3-27: The most disgusting picture I’ve seen in days! Starving ppl are GROSS!

3-26: 11 y/o towelhead marries younger cousin. “I am ready for this marriage. It will help me study better.” Get in the kitchen and make me some baklava!

hello kitty, indeed3-25: See the list of 110 Worst Porn Movie Title’s Ever

3-24: Abstinence Alert! Sex is for Fags! I laughed, I cried, I touched my Iron Hymen.

3-23: Happy Easter-Basket day! Remember kids, Marshmallow Peeps have feelings, too… and balls, apparently.

3-22: The Old Testament has never been so hot! Watch the story of David & Bathsheba, told in clips from Stargate & The Crying Game. Jaye Davidson is both King Saul & Bathsheba.

3-21: ЯR’s Leave a Pretty Corpse tee is #2 on MizTees Top 100 Anorexia Shirts 

3-20: Urgent! Tumblr ≠ Punk Rock. Seems it’s more Butt Rock. I think that’s street for crack.

3-19: Ok, so maybe Note won’t get naked for us, but Scott did! Niice!

3-18: WTFery runs in the family. Check out my brother’s shirt shop — VividShirts.com 

3-16: Porn from the Public Domain: Hot Preggers Edition (click, then scroll down)

3-15: Sumo-Sex.com! Play Sumo Masturbation, learn about sumo on sumo sex positions or Geisha sex!

3-14: The Anatomist’s Apprentice is one of the best modern SF short stories ever written. Read it here, free.

3-13: Even The Lord God Almighty has a wordpress blog!

3-12: Oh gnome you didn’t! Creepy Gnome Terrorises Town Also, check the pun-a-licious comments on digg. (thx, kvn)

3-11: Meet the Trollsen Twins. It’s awesome, but probably not in the way PETA intended.

3-10: Florida woman rapes 16 y/o girl with chili peppers

3-9: I‘m a good whore.
           

3-8: Spamusement.com: Poorly drawn cartoons inspired by actual spam subject lines.

3-7: Lynched witch gives birth in tree. Whoa!

3-6: Mark Bryan is my new favorite artist. You’ve gotta see Drag Baby Saves the Planet and Mona and the Metal Men.

3-5: Performance art that doesn’t suck! Watch Frozen in Grand Central Station

3-4: Garfield minus Garfield – What do you get when you erase Garfield from Jim Davis’ comics? You won’t believe it til you see it.

3-3: Can someone please tell me what the shit is going on HERE?!  <–Update: I removed the link cuz it now redirects to an Amazon affiliate link. Damned cheaters.

3-2: Our good buddy, the super sexy Real Life Superhero Entomo is featured on Best Week Ever!

3-1: The pencil carving archive – holy shit that’s cool!

2-29: Why work at work when you can play MonoMatch at monobrow.com?!

2-28: The Torture Playlist: Songs US military uses during ‘interrogation’.

2-26: Virtual Date Ariane: A simple to play, in-browser game. Mostly safe for work. Can you bed the lovely Ariane?

2-24: This just in: WhenWillAmyWinehouseDie.com is much more fun than IsParisInJailRightNow.com

2-22: Fuck for Christ! Florida pastor challenges congregation to screw everyday for a month.

2-21: Wikipedia really does know everything! List of Animals with Hymens. Clams? I had no idea.

2-20: Virginia hospital declares itself a medevac no-fly zone

2-19: HAPPY BIRTHDAY to one of our earliest supporters, STONA LISA!!! 

2-18: LolWigger.com: Wiggers, Posers, and Wannabes – Lol’d

2-17: Your dog can be one of a million! Pedigree Million Dog Mosaic. My doggie is here.

2-14: Happy VD! Will you be my anti-valentine?

2-12: Throx: Socks sold in 3’s. No, not 3 pair.

2-7: Get Down with the Dickness! Richard Cheese needs your $. For $500, he will sing your name on his next album. For $201, you can be an honorary band member. For $30K he will name his album after you.

2-6: VoiceMailProject.com – For the audio-voyeur in all of us.

1-31: This is just plain stupid. Why didn’t I think of it? SubversiveCrossStitch.com

1-30: LolDiabetes.com – A lol too far?

1-29: Books that Exist: Penis Pokey Board Book – an illustrated board book with a large die-cut hole in its center. “It might be the most obscene thing ever published”

1-24: Dear Internet Porn, These last ten years have been quite a trip, have they not? My letter to you now, however, is not one of celebration (From Best of Craigslist)

1-21: My host can beat up your host! WordPress.com increases free space to 3 gigs per blog! That’s right, fuckers. Unlimited bandwidth, 3 gigs disk space free, only $15/year for your own domain, and a totally hott founder. WP FTW!

1-19: You’ve gotta read this! The Bill of NON-Rights

1-17: Haikubituary:

Hot junkie actor
Brad Renfro found dead Tuesday
He was in Bully.

 

1-16: “At first glance anyone would think RR is just stupid.” — Micky2’s take on the RR fight. Now let’s all chill the fuck out, ok?

1-15: This just in: ЯR is Offensive, Zionistic! Anyone who missed the great ‘Holocaust Denial vs. Fag’ debate, read Kevin’s misquote-a-palooza here. The best part? He’s reaming ЯR for censoring (?) him, yet he’s moderating his own comments. Be gentle, he’s good people.

1-13: AJ Valliant puts Life before Islam. Silly blogger, blasphemy is for kids!

1-11: Congrats to 2008! You’re the year when all the babies born in the 90’s start becoming LEGAL! Quickly, to the nearest shopping mall!

1-10: $12 + 12 hours to make an album? Go listen and vote for It’s True They Have Escalators by D-Form of ЯR Band of the Month: The Chubby Chasers! (thru 1/12)

1-9: Today is Play God Day. In related news, I have the PMS. Anyone wanna be a pillar of salt?

1-7: “Everyone in West Virginia, no matter how bad off they are, gives thanks at least they don’t live in Mingo County” (excerpt from Sarah by JT LeRoy)

I’ll give you 55 guesses what county Soy & I are from.

1-6: It’s Soylent Ape’s birthday!! Go to his about page and tell him you love him.

1:4: It’s Friday, why not fuck a duck!

1-3: The Great HD Switch is coming soon! Get your free gov’t converter box here: dtv2009.gov

1-1: Happy Year’s Worst Hangover Day! My resolution: another year without this or this.

12-30: Danger: Avoid Death! Worst Warning Labels of 2007 @ livescience.com

12-23: This just in: Canned Asparagus is disgusting. See ya’ll after Christmas, if the spammers don’t eat the site first.

12-20: The term “KILL IT WITH FIRE” was coined for just this kind of thing: Real photos of real animals, with human faces. Check out the human-faced carp. I’ll be hiding under my bed, if you need me.

12-18: Reserve A Spot In Heaven™ is the ONLY licensed and registered distributor of reservations in Heaven. Rest assured that everything being offered on their website is guaranteed and officially registered in the Book of Light.

12-17: Porn from the Public Domain: Abu Ghraib Edition!

12-16: Watching movies free online is illegal, so don’t go to this site to watch Beowulf, Hairspray, Superbad, or any of the others. You could go to the magical land of free sex jail forevar!

12-14: FREE SHIT ALERT!
Loltheist.com is having a contest. Photograph a holiday scene, lol-itize it, and send it in for FABULOUS PRIZES! I’m sooo going to win this.

12-13: Haikubituary:

Found at home Wednesday,
Famed ex-husband Ike Turner
Finally ate it

Scott

12-12: Fidel me this, Castro: Why won’t you fucking die! Be the first to say Congratu-latinos to the world with ¡Die, Castro, Die! merch. 

12-11: ЯR Alert! We’re losing ground on Technofukme fast! We’ve lost 5 points this week. Quick, link your blog to ЯR! That means you, too, MySpacers and LJ’ers.

12-10: Today is Festival For The Souls Of Dead Whales day. Honest. Also, never ever let Bodies be the last thing you hear before sleep, or Johnny “I’m All Old & Gross Now” Rotten will try and suck babies out of you in your dreams.

12-08: ThunkDifferent is giving away a crappy refurb 1st gen. iPod shuffle to the most clever begger commenter. Competition is sparse. Remember kids: A free crappy iPod is still a free iPod!kittywigs.com

12-07: Mesquite TX – Get your art on! Our buddy ArmJerkerJ is having a free photo exhibit showing through 1/8 at The Mesquite Arts Center. She’s weird, you’ll like her. Also, free booze, delicious snacks. More info.

12-06: New ЯR T-shirt!
You say ‘lemming’ like it’s a bad thing

12-5: Is it still called a merkin when it’s for an actual pussy? KittyWigs.com

12-04: Last night I dreamed Betty White was running an omelet stand, but she wouldn’t get off her damned phone long enough to serve me.

Written by The Bagel of Everything

December 11, 2007 at 5:49 am

17 Responses

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  1. Congrats to Soylent Ape for winning the LolTheist Holiday Contest. And a special thanks to him for giving his prize to The Nephew of Everything, who chose this awesome shirt.

    Darling nephew, lolheathen says he’s ordered it and it should arrive soon.

    bagel of everything

    January 4, 2008 at 6:09 am

  2. What can I say: Ceral has been with me longer.

    A.J. Valliant

    January 15, 2008 at 12:35 pm

  3. Judging by your cereal choice, it won’t stay with you long.

    a hem…

    The Bagel of Everything

    January 25, 2008 at 9:59 am

  4. very cool

    Stona Lisa

    February 19, 2008 at 2:43 pm

  5. Happy Birthday, Stona Lisa! May you have an awesome time and a super-clean bong!

    Soylent Ape

    February 19, 2008 at 8:34 pm

  6. me luv pencil carving. that shit is crazy!

    seohack

    March 1, 2008 at 2:54 pm

  7. BWE may have unleashed the fury known as Entomo. Well done, E!

    SEO Hack

    March 3, 2008 at 7:58 am

  8. Stona: So what did you do on your bday????

    SEO: I know, that pencil carving is bad-ass, isnt it? Those Japanese have too much free time. They should blog or something.

    Congrats again to Entomo!

    The Bagel of Everything

    March 3, 2008 at 8:05 am

  9. Congrats to RR’s favorite Insect Man. Way to go, Entomo!

    Soylent Ape

    March 3, 2008 at 6:07 pm

  10. Heheheh, thanks RR for the shout out about Tumbler not being punk rock. Remember, crack is whack!

    seohack

    March 20, 2008 at 12:55 pm

  11. Crack is the official currency of RationReality.

    Watch yourself, boy!

    The Bagel of Everything

    March 20, 2008 at 6:52 pm

  12. R. I. P., Charlton Heston. I hope you’re blsting away in the big firing range in the sky. with Cornelius. eating Soylent Green. on a chariot.

    Soylent Ape

    April 7, 2008 at 2:31 pm

  13. I see your crotchzombie.com and raise you Dad, I’m in Jail.

    Soylatte Ape

    April 11, 2008 at 11:07 pm

  14. You’re bluffing!

    I see your seizure inducing chunk o’ phunk and raise you Zach’s right hand.

  15. […] I think Bagel said it best: Drugs are awesome! I think that pretty much sums it up. I got […]

  16. […] 1. Rodica Trandafir makes Andy Stitzer look like a friggin’ manwhore. Only I bet this movie isnt’ nearly as funny. But she’s certified!. Thanks, Bagel! […]

  17. hope you’re feeling better! =)

    seohack

    June 11, 2008 at 1:24 pm


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