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Bizarre Commercials, Volume 6

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Up to this point, we’ve illustrated ads produced with the intention to sell products. However, there are some television spots that are just out to make people aware (and, possibly, still sell sell products, but not in such an obvious manner. They’re called Public Service Announcements (PSAs) and here are a few of the more bizarre ones.

* G.I. Joe on Petting Strange Dogs

The National Child Safety Council created several animated PSAs to run at the end of episodes of the G.I. Joe cartoon series back in the 80s. This one cautions youngsters of the dangers of petting animals you don’t know. Admittedly, this is a fairly innocuous subject for badass military functionaries like G.I. Joe to bring up. Perhaps Mutt really wanted to say “you should never pet a strange dog because it’s loaded down with enough C-4 to blow your fuckin’ ass back to Beirut, numbnuts!”, but standards and practices thought it was a little harsh. Anyway, knowing is half the battle.

* Heavy Metal with a Social Conscience Read the rest of this entry »

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Written by Soylent Ape

June 2, 2008 at 5:32 am

Fernando Botero, Painter of Retards

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An artist is attracted to certain kinds of form without knowing why. You adopt a position intuitively; only later do you attempt to rationalize or even justify it. – Fernando Botero, 1932-20??

Fernando Botero Angulo is totally famous — so famous, in fact, he calls himself “the most Colombian of Colombian artists”. He’s so proud of his Colombian heritage, he dropped his last name and moved to France! In 2005, he gained public recognition by exploiting the Abu Ghraib slumberparty.  I love his art in a way that makes me a bad person.

He paints stocky people with large foreheads (aka fivehead), beady eyes, and blank expressions.  Now, I’m not saying he’s obsessed with Down’s Syndrome. I’m just strongly suggesting it. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by The Bagel of Everything

May 19, 2008 at 1:43 am

Dear Internet: I think something’s stuck in there

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Dear Internet,

I met my biological father yesterday, and now my pee comes out sideways.
Is this just a coincidence, or should I get tested?

Touched,
Bagel

Last time on Ask the Internet: Anilingus Breath Strips

Written by The Bagel of Everything

May 5, 2008 at 12:14 am

Vagina Power vs. Gay Boys

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♫ They’ll suck a dick up
til they hiccup
for a fee ♪
-Alexyss K Tylor

Warning to Gay Boys

It’s long, but it’s worth it. She gets more outrageous as she goes. I especially love how she tries to be erudite, between her fits of “goddamn!” and various ghettoness. If this were a skit, I’d likely be offended. Somehow, her earnestness makes it okay. Check our her websiteYouTube, and MySpace.  Or just give her a call.
I want her to be my new best friend.
Addendum: This one is even better. I wish I’d seen it first. 03:50 – 04:05 nearly killed me.

Related posts: Lesbian Gang Rapists! – Prostitution Solution – Word of the Week: Medibation

Written by The Bagel of Everything

May 1, 2008 at 3:03 pm

Television Wrap-Up for 6/13: NBC ‘Last Comic Standing’ Premiere

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Tonight was the season premiere for season 5 of Last Comic Standing.  I somehow managed to miss out on season 1 of this show, but watched seasons 2 and 3 religiously.  Season 4 managed to fly completely under my radar – not quite sure how – which leads us to season 5. 

I really wanted to hate Bill Bellamy for hosting it instead of Jay Mohr, but he actually did a better job than I expected, so that was good.  He wasn’t memorable, but he was competent.  The judges for the auditions are three of the season 2 / 3 contestants – Alonzo Bodden, noted internet gay sex peddler Ant, and Kathleen Madigan – and they were just as funny as ever.  (In Kathleen’s case, that means ‘not very.’)

 The New York City auditions were a severe disappointment.  It’s hard to believe that the Big Apple’s vein of comedy has been tapped dry, but … the product they brought up was pretty disappointing.  Six contestants from NYC were chosen to move on.  They were:

1.  Dwayne Kennedy.  Black gentleman, fucking hilarious.  He might unfortunately get tagged as self-hating, though: his jokes mostly played off racial stereotypes relating to black men.  He was definitely the funniest of the people from New York, and I’ll be keeping an eye on this one.   

Read the rest of this entry »

Written by jessecuster

June 14, 2007 at 2:00 am