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Archive for the ‘depression’ Category

What I did with my summer depression

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Hi ya! Did you miss me? I sure missed you! So where the fuck have I been? First I got sick. Real sick. Then I got depressed. Illness always triggers the downside of my manic-depression. The thing about my depressions is that I kinda sorta like them — at least I think I do when I’m in it. It envelopes me with a lovely kind of sleepiness. You know that awesome feeling when you wake up early, remember it’s Saturday, and you can go back to sleep? That’s it. That, and wishing everyone would just die so I could be left alone. I don’t realize just how miserable I’d felt until I’ve started recovering. So, now I’m dragging myself back out of that cozy dark corner. I’m ever grateful to you for sticking around.

My downtime wasn’t entirely spent sleeping in a blanket-fort. I did some stuff: Read the rest of this entry »


Written by The Bagel of Everything

June 12, 2008 at 9:31 am

Posted in blogging, depression, list

Endangered Pleasures, Sex, Shit, and Yo Momma

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4 more books I’d read, if I read books.

See Also: Books that exist

How to Good-Bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way?
I think constricting anus 100 times and denting navel 100 times in succession everyday is effective to good-bye depression and take back youth. You can do so at a boring meeting or in a subway. I have known 70-year-old man who has practiced it for 20 years. As a result, he has good complexion and has grown 20 years younger. His eyes sparkle. He is full of vigor, happiness and joy. He has neither complained nor born a grudge under any circumstance. Furthermore, he can make love three times in succession without drawing out. In addition, he also can have burned a strong beautiful fire within his abdomen. It can burn out the dirty stickiness of his body, release his immaterial fiber or third attention which has been confined to his stickiness. Then, he can shoot out his immaterial fiber or third attention to an object, concentrate on it and attain happy lucky feeling through the success of concentration. If you don’t know concentration which gives you peculiar pleasure, your life looks like a hell.
Endangered Pleasures: In Defense of Naps, Bacon, Martinis, Profanity, and Other Indulgences First cigars and gin topped the list. Then red meat, Cadillacs, coffee with caffeine, and sleeping late all began to edge toward extinction. Barbara Holland makes an impassioned defense of life’s little pleasures in a book that will entertain diehard sinners, comfort the secretly licentious, and encourage those who just need a little nudge to abandon jogging and no-fat salad dressing.
“Perhaps it’s a good time to reconsider pleasure at its roots,” declares Holland (Secrets of the Cat), introducing this collection of entertaining, genteel meditations. As the subtitle hints, the author, living in the Virginia countryside, is no sybaritic renegade but a woman who can find happiness in antinomies like “Working” and “Not Working,” “Buying Things” and “Saving Money,” and “Going Out” and “Staying In.” She writes with conversational ease, and some observations linger: To the miserly, “a penny spent is a penny mourned”; mail is “one of life’s small recurring pleasures”; sports, “unlike life, are played according to rules.” Holland even reveals that she drives without using her seat belt. Illustrations.
A Portrait of Yo Mama as a Young Man Yo mama sucks. For years, everyone has talked about yo mama, pointing out her failings in important areas such as appearance, mental capacity, and weight. Now, two researchers and retired sewer cartographers have spent over a decade investigating yo mama, assembling a wide range of evidence against her. They stalked, photographed, and studied the horrible woman who brought you into this world—yo mama—then compiled their findings. Here is some of the evidence you will find in A PORTRAIT OF YO MAMA AS A YOUNG MAN: yo mama’s résumé, her last will and testament, her internet searches, personals she has placed, e-mails yo mama wrote to you while you were in college, and numerous charts and graphs. From this thorough and authoritative work you will learn facts such as: Yo mama says “comprised” when she means “composed,” as in, “I am comprised mostly of grease and sugar.” Yo mama’s so lupine, she chases rabbits. I had sex with yo mama and it was horrible. Just a horrible, horrible time. If nervous tics were pizzas, yo mama would have five pizzas that freak everybody out.

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Written by The Bagel of Everything

July 7, 2007 at 6:03 am