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Vice President Jokes about Incest

with 28 comments

Vice President Dick Cheney has once again lived up to his first name. It happened Sunday at the National Press Club on Monday, Jun 2, where Cheney was congratulating the winners of the Gerald R. Ford Journalism Prizes for Distinguished Reporting on the Presidency. When responding to a reporter’s inquiry about his family tree, Cheney noted that he had relatives named “Cheney” in both his father’s and mother’s families. To drive his pointless point home, Cheney made an attempt at “humor” (something a guy like Cheney shouldn’t be trying to do, anyway) which thoroughly pissed-many of the residents of a key state in the ’08 Presidential race. The exact quote: “So I had Cheneys on both sides of the family and we don’t even live in West Virginia!” Quickly, Cheney jovially qualified his statement, saying “You can say these things when you’re not running for re-election.” Really? Thanks for clearing that up, asshole.

Oh, yeah; West Virginia is full of family trees that don’t fork. Everyone knows that’s true, right? I was born in West Virginia and I’m very likely to be the only person you’ll hear of who’s heritage is Turkish, Sephardic Jewish, Italian and Cherokee. The whole time I lived in the Mountain State, I only knew about one incestuous relationship: two cousins who didn’t realize they were related until a well-hid “family secret” (read: “affair”) was revealed. West Virginians’ closely-grouped chromosomes are a misconception that is perpetuated by certain individuals’ desire to be able to look down on some other group of people. Since it’s generally frowned-upon to base such condescension upon race or religion these days, people like Cheney have been able to exploit a loophole that makes it okay to ridicule people who live in a poor, rural, largely-isolated place like West Virginia (or Mississippi or Maine, etc..)

Nevermind the fact that Dickie-Boy carried WV handily in 2000 and 2004. Nevermind the fact that the state will be hotly-contested this election year. Nevermind the fact that Cheney and his Lackey have turned this great nation on its ear and compltetely destroyed the notion of modern Conservatism. The only thing that matters is that The Vice Prez got to make a cheap joke at the expense of some decent people who didn’t deserve it. I hope it was worth it.

Cheney issued a short apology, but I don’t believe in his sincerity any more than I believed Barack Obama was sorry about his remarks about rural people bitterly clinging to racism, guns and religion. In both cases, I believe these guys let their guard down for a moment and let us know exactly what they thought about the “little people” who go to vocational schools, drive Korean cars and wouldn’t know Beluga caviar from Sevruga caviar.

All-in-all, it’s a pretty dismal state of affairs knowing that we mean very little to the people we vote to represent us. When I’m worth several hundred million dollars, I’ll form a PAC to advocate against politicians like Cheney making flippant remarks like that. (“Advocate” reads as “bribe”, by the way.) I just hope he doesn’t invite me to go duck hunting with him.


Written by Soylent Ape

June 10, 2008 at 11:54 pm

Posted in humor, news, politics

28 Responses

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  1. If it’s not true, then can you please explain why WV has the highest finger to person ratio (10.5 to 1) of any state in the union?


    June 11, 2008 at 12:41 am

  2. the two main industries in WV are very finger-hostile: mining and Metal working. You know what happenned to Tony Iommi? An industrial press really fucked-up a friend’s hand.

    Also, I’ll be the first to admit that the quality of WV’s medical care system is lacking, too. A lot of fingers that were lost might have been saved in a place like Washington or Florida.

    Soylent Ape

    June 11, 2008 at 6:20 am

  3. I thought it was funny. Sorry.


    June 11, 2008 at 9:34 am

  4. thanks, Soy, I just spewed my Iranian Jewish tea all over, thank god it didn’t hit my keyboard or I would have sticky keys.


    June 11, 2008 at 10:23 am

  5. My friend thought it best to take his three small children away from Phila. because of the crime so they packed up and moved to Jim Thorpe area in the Poconos. they moved back home in three years. he said he could deal with the crime in the city but not incest and shit that goes on in the mountains.


    June 11, 2008 at 10:54 am

  6. i dunno,soy, i’ve gotten used to that shit. I let them giggle while i load my rifle and prepare for the uprising. It’s amazing what a dumb fucking hick can stockpile. motherfuckers are going to really be surprised come “hunting season”.


    June 11, 2008 at 12:54 pm

  7. Any time I hear the two words, “West Virginia” in sync, I think about that documentary on Jethro or whatever the fuck his name is who lived in a trailer in WV. I’m from Missouri, and I’m glad we have WV to take the heat off of us on the hillbilly issue.

    Love Bites

    June 11, 2008 at 1:54 pm

  8. AHHH…after searching, the word I was looking for is JESCO. http://www.juliescoggins.com/dancing_outlaw_page.htm

    The dancing outlaw. He IS west virginia for me. Your state should hire him to do PR.

    Love Bites

    June 11, 2008 at 1:55 pm

  9. Well put Soy! And I’m glad to hear your opinion about it…my grandparents were from WW, but moved out west to Nevada in the 50’s. Still, every time I mention they are from WV I get raised eyebrows and incest jokes. WTF? I’ve always thought there had to be more to it than that. Never having been there and knowing nothing about it, I’ve just shrugged off the comments but having to constantly have someone make a poverty incest joke every time I mention they are from there had become so annoying I wouldn’t mention where they were from or say something like Virginia. Now I’m just going to refer them to your post! Cheney is an an evil asshole and I find it interesting that someone like Don Imus gets lynched by everyone (I’m not saying he didn’t deserve it), but Cheney’s comment is sort of just shrugged at. Why isn’t there a call to have his ass fired? Where is Al Sharpton on this one?


    June 11, 2008 at 2:15 pm

  10. In general all the women in Hawaii are still topless.
    When I go to the mainland I get asked the dumbest shit.
    Do you guys have cars ? telephones ?

    Freddy, theres a huge difference between insensitivity with a lack of humor and being evil.
    And really.
    I’m surprised that you would want to bring Sharpton into this when he is probably one of the biggest race baiting charlatans around


    June 11, 2008 at 5:33 pm

  11. @ Stietto: If he’d said “both sides of my family eat dogs…and we don’t even live in Southeast Asia”, would it still be funny?

    @ Capricorn: Iranian-Jewish tea? Your friend likely couldn’t deal with the quiet and slow pace of life in the mountains. It was easier to say he didn’t like “incest and shit”. A guy in my high school got into some trouble in Houston, so he was sent to live with his grandparents in my hometown. He was always asking why we didn’t get more than 8 cable channels and why everything shut down at 9pm.

    @ SEO: I know a guy down here who has a “military museum”. Yeah, right!

    @ Love Bites: Jesco? We don’t need to draw any more attention to the raging meth problem in WV.

    Thanks, Freddy! I didn’t know you had family roots in Appalachia.

    @ Micky: I’m sure I have some misconceptions about Hawaii. Most of what we mainlanders know about HI we learned from Magnum, P.I..

    Soylent Ape

    June 11, 2008 at 10:15 pm

  12. Soy.
    I actually had a black guy come after me with a knife in Ypsilanti Michigan because he didnt believe I was from Hawaii.
    ” You aint frum no Hiwhyee motherfucker”

    Whats sad is that people ( even me) tend to stereotype generalizations on too broad a scale.
    And the Hawaiians actually had one of the highest rates of incest in the world previous to the missionarys who finally got it through their heads that it was the reason their kids came out looking so funny.
    And today. Hawaii has one the biggest meth problems in the country.
    Asian mules were bringing meth to Hawaii in the 80s, long before it the mainland.
    Its fucking everywhere here


    June 11, 2008 at 11:35 pm

  13. Thanks Soy – yeah they are from an area called Beckly.


    June 12, 2008 at 2:30 am

  14. @ Freddy: Believe it or not, I used to live in Beckley. I had an internship there in college.

    Soylent Ape

    June 12, 2008 at 2:50 am

  15. i’m guessing you all didn’t hear how Andrea Mitchell referred to western Virigina either . . ..

    SEO Hack

    June 12, 2008 at 11:27 am

  16. Wow..that’s interesting…I’ve never been…


    June 12, 2008 at 12:08 pm

  17. @ SEO: Yeah, she tried to weasel her way out of it by saying that’s what “political strategists” call them. That’s supposed to make it better? Now I’m pissed off at political consultants.

    Soylent Ape

    June 14, 2008 at 9:10 am

  18. I dont like the bitch, never did. She looks like a spy
    If she replaces Tim Russert( probably not) I’ll blow something up.
    Fill me in. What did she say about W.V. ?


    June 14, 2008 at 9:50 am

  19. Ticked off about W.V. jokes? In the words of Cheney himself: “So?”

    I jest. Seriously, this administration does not appear to care one bit about the opinions or sensibilities of the American people. All that matters is that the majority liked them enough at some point to get them into office. What? Those same people despise them now? So?

    Eh, January 20th couldn’t come any sooner.


    June 15, 2008 at 2:20 am

  20. Also, you should hear some of the stuff I get asked when I mention I lived in Alaska and Texas. “Did you guys live in an igloo?” “Isn’t Texas all desert?” “Did you have a pet cactus/polar bear/cowboy?”



    June 15, 2008 at 2:23 am

  21. Happy Fathers day.


    June 15, 2008 at 11:08 am

  22. Yeah. Happy Fathers Day, Mickey, Key, and any other male readers who’ve planted a seed somewhere.

    @ Cody: I can imagine the ridiculous remarks people make about Texas and Alaska.

    Soylent Ape

    June 15, 2008 at 10:13 pm

  23. Ha ha.


    June 16, 2008 at 1:24 am

  24. ‘Stietto: If he’d said “both sides of my family eat dogs…and we don’t even live in Southeast Asia”, would it still be funny?’



    July 12, 2008 at 12:18 pm

  25. wait, people living in rural areas don’t cling to racism, guns and religion? did the drugs kick in or am I still in America? last time I checked there was still a KKK, NRA and any number of misguided denominations of “Christianity”. and the members of these lovely and humane organizations still seem to like to live out in the country. that isn’t to say the NRA and the Klan and the southern baptists, etc., don’t sometimes move to the city, but let’s face it Obama may not have been p.c. (btw FUCK P.C.) but he sure did speak the truth.


    July 29, 2008 at 2:25 am

  26. @ Tyler: I’ve lived in some of the most isolated rural areas and some of the largest cities in North America. I truly believe that the largest clusters of wacko culture are the grand metropolises of our great land. From my vantage point, Columbus, OH (approx. pop. 750,000) looks like Hate Central. Every wacko race-baiting fringe group seems to have an outpost in Columbus. Guns, you say? Detroit and Washington/Baltimore metro (both with about 2 million inhabitants) are urban war zones with 2 of the highest gun homicide rates in the country. When I was in DC, I couldn’t wait to get back to Northern VA every night. My aunt’s suburban subdivision was partially incinerated during the annual Detroit Halloween party/riot known as Devil’s Night. Louisville, KY (Current pop 1.3 million) was being torn apart by gang violence when I lived there. Ever heard of The Folk? Think Crips and Bloods meets a Rob Zombie film. Yer average gang-banger would just shoot a fucker on the street. Point made; simple enough. The Folk would do wacko shit like decapitate their rivals or crush them with weights.

    Of course, the biggest nuts I came across were in Toronto (metro pop. approx. 6 million): they don’t even lock their doors there…and they hold doors open and give directions and shit like that! Can you imagine?

    I’m a member of the NRA. We sponsor classes on gun safety and hunting. Is that not just a little more responsible than the routine collateral damage associated with gang-related urban gun violence, for instance?

    Sorry for the rant. I happen to think the city folk are every bit as meshugge (if not more so) as us country bumpkins. As for Obama: he still has trouble reaching rural voters and McCain’s V.P. choice of a hunter/outdoorswoman from a largely rural state does him no favors. The “bitterness” comment was a MAJOR turn-off for that voting bloc.

    The main reason I don’t live in WV anymore: Have you ever tried to get a decent bagel in Charleston?

    SOylent APe

    September 16, 2008 at 10:21 pm

  27. Speaking of American politicians, I would rather spend a sex night with Obama’s wife and Coondoleeza(?) Rice… all together.



    November 22, 2008 at 5:23 am

  28. Hi all, we came here when i did an quick yahoo search. Neat website you got here! Keep it up!

    herbal ecstacy

    March 17, 2010 at 9:55 am

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