Ration Reality

hyperbolic excellence

The Doggie-Style Diet

with 20 comments

Blogging every day has decimated my creativity. While I await the return of last year’s burning inspiration, I’ve hotwired the wayback machine, in search of things I wrote before RationReality.

In ’02, I began playing on HalfBakery.com — a site where you present your ideas that could almost (but not quite) solve important problems — under the name Skyloo. You might also recognize the nick from pre-y2k Undernet.  I mostly lurked on HB, but I did write a few things. This was my fave:

Don't be a doubting Thomas
Loltheist
made me do it.

Dieting Doggie-Style
My dog has invented a wonderful new diet/exercise program.

She eats all day long, but is wonderfully thin. When it’s time to eat, she picks up one piece of kibble from her bowl, runs across the house to the living room, dances in a little circle to fluff up her dog bed, lays down, drops the kibble onto the bed, stares at it, sniffs it, gobbles it up, rises, stretches, and patters back to the kitchen for another bite.

I’ve tried this with one spoon of food at a time and I didn’t lose any weight.

Maybe I shouldn’t chose a ladle as my spoon?

Related posts: Anorexia: A foolproof anti-aging plan – The YouTube Diet Plan – Hail Seitan!

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Written by The Bagel of Everything

March 19, 2008 at 2:58 am

20 Responses

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  1. maybe you should try a piece of kibble instead a spoonful of food.

    capricorn1966

    March 19, 2008 at 7:33 am

  2. IRC. Ba ha ha ha ha ha. I remember sitting in a computer lab in 1994 and someone showed me how to make a nickname and connect to these people halfway around the world in real time. And the next thing I knew, it was six hours later and my whole brain had been turned inside out. I just sat there thinking, “But it’s the same time. We’re having a regular conversation. But. They’re. In. Another. Country. Whoa.”

    I was immediately addicted, though not as badly as another dweeb I knew who had – get this – a modem right in his bedroom. Ha ha ha. Nerd. I said, “Who needs to compute from their houses? That’s just crazy talk.”

    The 'Goose

    March 19, 2008 at 9:25 am

  3. Fuckin dog was probably laughing his ass off

    micky2

    March 19, 2008 at 10:05 am

  4. Cute post:)

    I’m trying to do that with bagel chips (no pun intended, they are yummy, like you) as I write this, but I can’t seem to get them to go anywhere else but from the palm of my hand to my mouth…oh well…my mouth is happy!

    btw, what kind of doggie do you have and what’s her name?

    LA Retail Slut

    March 19, 2008 at 2:03 pm

  5. Kibbles and clits

    micky2

    March 19, 2008 at 2:12 pm

  6. Cappie: Yeah um, no. Maybe some wheat Chex?

    Goose: Dude, I was such a nerd! I majored in computer sci, so you can imagine. I often wake up in the night with the solution to a coding problem in my brains. I lived off campus; before I got my own PC, I’d rush off to the dorms where there was a 24/7 lab to code it in. If I was too lazy (drunk) to drive, I’d grab a notebook and write frantically like the guy in A Beautiful Mind. I once typed a prog. on a typewriter.

    LA: Her name is Noble. She’s a 10 year old foundling. Her pictures: here and here. Isn’t she a pretty girl?

    Also, you’re going to get fat.

    Micky: She totally laughs at me. She’s even got wrinkles around her muzzle from smiling all the time.

    The Bagel of Everything

    March 19, 2008 at 2:25 pm

  7. wait – all you all aren’t just up the road from me? what the hell.

    seohack

    March 19, 2008 at 3:17 pm

  8. Noble is a cutie!

    Now I’m off to the gym for an hour…that’s the price I pay for not going on Noble’s diet! Ugh…

    LA Retail Slut

    March 19, 2008 at 3:41 pm

  9. I used to love that site! And what’s wrong with recycling old material?

    Mark

    March 19, 2008 at 7:10 pm

  10. I was a marketing/mgmt major. I was a nerd, but not of the computer variety. I didn’t have a personal internet connection until 1999! Every librarian at my local branch knew my name.

    Noble’s diet seems to have worked well for her. Ten years on, she’s still svelte, yet sturdy. Plus the vet just gave her a clean bill of health!

    Soylent Ape

    March 19, 2008 at 8:19 pm

  11. Did your library card say Soylent Ape ?

    micky2

    March 19, 2008 at 11:40 pm

  12. No.

    Soylent Ape

    March 20, 2008 at 6:08 am

  13. Bummer, Soy. Can you get a library card that says ‘Soylent Ape Up in this Motherfucker’ ’cause that would be BA. For realz.

    Kibblework

    March 20, 2008 at 8:28 am

  14. Nah, they wouldn’t do it under “Soylent Ape”. Patriot Act.

    The next time I make a hotel reservation, I’ll use my best Indonesian accent and make it under “Soylent A-pay” when they ask how to spell my last name, I’ll say A-P-E.

    Soylent Ape

    March 21, 2008 at 6:09 am

  15. I think you can goto Git’mo for even suggesting lying to a librarian.

    The Bagel of Everything

    March 21, 2008 at 6:51 am

  16. This is true, yet some people still try

    Soylent Ape

    March 22, 2008 at 9:56 am

  17. Fuck, that reminds me, I still owe the library 15.00
    Those are the same guys who peeked at the candidates passport applications.

    micky2

    March 22, 2008 at 12:16 pm

  18. You best pay that shit quick, micky.
    Or you’ll wake up with a dead deweydecimal in your bed.

    The Bagel of Everything

    March 28, 2008 at 10:01 am

  19. “Blogging every day has decimated my creativity.”

    For a sec there I thought you said blogging has decimated your cavity.

    Stiletto

    April 1, 2008 at 12:30 am

  20. That, too.

    Soylent Ape

    April 1, 2008 at 5:58 am


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