Ration Reality

hyperbolic excellence

Lame Secrets

with 44 comments

“I give handjobs for money, but I’d do it for free”

“I married a black woman to prove I’m not racist”

“I’m sleeping with my son’s wife” 

Admit it, you love PostSecret. You read it everyday. You wish you had a dirty little secret to share. Most people just aren’t that interesting. For many of us, that’s our biggest secret.

“I’m normal”

Good luck getting that on the front page. Fear not, my boring friends. We here at RationReality believe you are just as worthy of voyeurism as those filthy sin-mongers. To that end, we present: Lame Secrets.


I had soup today. (thx, anonymous contributor)


My friends say I look nice in earth tones. (img src: Dog Food)

 


I have a birthmark.


Sometimes, when I’m along, I masturbate to pornography.


When I’m alone, sometimes I pass Gas (img src: my own yaoi collection, damnit)


Aldi, I dream about sex. Yes, Aldi I dream about sex.


I love to sing Christmas Carols (src: edited from a real postsecret card)

Related posts: A Gokkun Proposal – Stuff in my car theatre
LolKill: Like LolCats, but deader – My shit’s on random

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Written by The Bagel of Everything

February 18, 2008 at 11:53 am

44 Responses

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  1. After a cup of coffee and a cigarette, I usually have to take a shit.

    or, I prefer vagina to my hand on days that end in ‘y’.

    or: I don’t dust nearly as much as I should.

    keywork.

    February 18, 2008 at 12:17 pm

  2. I once vomited after a large meal. (I had the stomach flu.)

    The Bagel of Everything

    February 18, 2008 at 12:20 pm

  3. I once had an erection. (in the morning!)

    keywork.

    February 18, 2008 at 12:24 pm

  4. I made a ship shaped like a dick out of a potatoe in a vegetable carving class.
    Dicktatership. I got an “A”

    Key, is that human vagina ?
    or, is that vagina human ?
    I’m getting old. I guess.
    I used to make me a triple espresso first think in the morning and down it like a shot.
    Whithin 1 minute their had better be a shitter near by.
    Now when I wake up I dont even need the espresso. Theres just a big pile of shit in bed next to me.
    It might be the Great Dane, but I cant catch either one of us in the act.

    micky2

    February 18, 2008 at 12:25 pm

  5. Well, I usually assume that if the pile of shit on the bed, it’s the cat. Only when she gets sick. If the pile of shit is on the woman lying next to me, then I know it was me. Sometimes. My cat mimics my actions from time to time. I think. Yes, micky, human vagina.

    keywork.

    February 18, 2008 at 12:29 pm

  6. I can outlame all of these: I voted for John Anderson in 1980

    Frontier Former Editor

    February 18, 2008 at 1:42 pm

  7. Wasn’t he a character in The Matrix?
    Else, um, who?

    The Bagel of Everything

    February 18, 2008 at 1:44 pm

  8. We have a cat and a pug also.
    But only the Danes come close to looking like mine.
    Its hard to tell because my asshole always leaks so I cant tell if its fresh residue from the pile next to me or just the usual daily excretions.

    micky2

    February 18, 2008 at 1:45 pm

  9. Hint: 1980 presidential ballot (pick one)

    Carter

    Reagan

    Anderson

    Told you it was lame

    Frontier Former Editor

    February 18, 2008 at 1:48 pm

  10. There were presidents in 1980? I thought we still worshipped the queen back then.

    Micky, Key: poop

    The Bagel of Everything

    February 18, 2008 at 1:53 pm

  11. Right, poop. Lame.

    keywork.

    February 18, 2008 at 2:06 pm

  12. I almost killed a man once, but then I didn’t.

    The Bagel of Everything

    February 18, 2008 at 2:20 pm

  13. I was almost famous.

    keywork.

    February 18, 2008 at 2:32 pm

  14. I met someone that was famous.

    capricorn1966

    February 18, 2008 at 2:52 pm

  15. no matter the subject, micky always ends talking about his dick. Is that because it really isn’t that big a deal.

    capricorn1966

    February 18, 2008 at 2:54 pm

  16. I see what you did there!

    The Bagel of Everything

    February 18, 2008 at 3:01 pm

  17. Maybe that is the only appendage he still has.

    keywork.

    February 18, 2008 at 3:02 pm

  18. t’would splain his obsession with auto-fellatio

    The Bagel of Everything

    February 18, 2008 at 3:32 pm

  19. Actually Cap, you were the first one to bring up my dick today .
    Do you have some deep desire to ” bring it up ?”

    My dick is very important. Without it I wouldnt be the man I am today.
    And I would never think of you.

    micky2

    February 18, 2008 at 3:47 pm

  20. Jesus, that would make a great VDay card: If it weren’t for my dick, I would never think of you.

    keywork.

    February 18, 2008 at 3:56 pm

  21. you’re right Mick, I backtracked and it wasn’t your dick, it was A dick. You talk about it so often you confused me.

    capricorn1966

    February 18, 2008 at 3:59 pm

  22. I have lots of dirty little secrets but they wouldn’t be secrets if I had to share.

    capricorn1966

    February 18, 2008 at 4:07 pm

  23. I leave comments just so the blogger knew I was there.

    The shame.
    m.

    Mark

    February 18, 2008 at 4:28 pm

  24. I guess its better than going there and not saying anything. That really fucks with their heads.

    micky2

    February 18, 2008 at 6:15 pm

  25. Sometimes, I tell my coworkers I’m making a fresh pot of coffee, when, in fact, I’m just warming up what was left of the last pot with a little bit more water. They never know the difference.

    Soylent Ape

    February 18, 2008 at 7:52 pm

  26. Sometimes I actually make the coffee. Ok, I always make the coffee. Fresh. But noone appreciates it. So I drink it all.

    keywork.

    February 18, 2008 at 7:58 pm

  27. I ate a booger once. It was my booger.

    micky2

    February 18, 2008 at 9:43 pm

  28. So Key. If a cup of coffe makes you shit i dont want to be the guy next to you when you drink that whole pot.
    Your asshole probably looks like a meat grinder on meth.

    micky2

    February 18, 2008 at 10:47 pm

  29. More like a Dali. Not the Lama type, either.

    keywork.

    February 18, 2008 at 10:52 pm

  30. Yea, a lot of Dalis stuff looks like shit but its worth some bucks.
    I have two lithographs by him from the fruit series.

    micky2

    February 18, 2008 at 11:18 pm

  31. Bagel loves Dali.

    Soylent Ape

    February 19, 2008 at 7:21 am

  32. I have the strawberries and the figs lithographs.. Also a charcoal sketch of man out in the middle of nowhere. Alot his stuff is out in the middle of nowhere.

    micky2

    February 19, 2008 at 10:55 am

  33. ok-first: the one with “sometime i fart” that picture is just wrong and has nothing to do with Farts!
    second….Its MA DAMN BIRTHDAY-and im not feeling the love….thats soooo normal for me!
    and i dont think i have any weed to calm/make myself feel better…maybe by the time i come back with a buzz (if any) you all will love me for a moment!
    FANFUCKINGTASTIC! FUCKERIFIC! I swear cause its my day….

    Stona Lisa

    February 19, 2008 at 11:12 am

  34. Happy Birthday, Stona!

    Anonymous

    February 19, 2008 at 11:17 am

  35. thanks Anon!

    Stona Lisa

    February 19, 2008 at 11:22 am

  36. Stona.
    You dont “think’ you have any weed ?
    I myself like to partake in the herbal essence. But theres and old saying;
    ” if you cant find your beer, you dont need it”
    But since its your birthday, find it.
    But if you dont, I’ll love you just for today.

    micky2

    February 19, 2008 at 11:25 am

  37. awww-see! i knew i could come here to get the lovin i needed…I found some-but the kiddies have prevented me thus far-there outside-my time is now…going…brb-BLAZED-HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME…but i DID just get a package in the mail-with Jewelry and a cell phone-yea me! and i recieved an even better ‘package’ last night all wrapped in orgasm…TMI-well not for this site…

    Stona Lisa

    February 19, 2008 at 11:51 am

  38. OMG HAPPY BDAY TO YOU!!!

    Email me your mailing address — I wanna send you a treat.

    The Bagel of Everything

    February 19, 2008 at 1:24 pm

  39. I deff. Feel the love now…AND im blazed! Thank you so much Bage’s
    Im headed over to send you my address now i guess…I wonder what it could be!
    I love treats!

    Stona Lisa

    February 19, 2008 at 1:36 pm

  40. Happy Birthday, Stona! Um, kill some brain cells or something.

    keyworkHAPPYBDAYSTONA!

    February 19, 2008 at 1:51 pm

  41. aw Key! (blushing)
    I didnt know you cared!
    I have the best Internet friends EVER!!

    Stona Lisa

    February 19, 2008 at 2:35 pm

  42. […] posts: Tigger’s Tiggerific Methlab – Mommy, am I going to hell?  Lame Secrets – It’s 420 in Poohville – […]

  43. My secret: sometimes I use to get unmasked and enjoy a remotely-normal life.

    E.

    Entomo

    February 26, 2008 at 1:46 pm

  44. I once smashed my fingernail trying to open a picklejar.

    It hurt real bad.

    The Bagel of Everything

    March 12, 2008 at 11:43 pm


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