Ration Reality

hyperbolic excellence

Why does my room smell so bad?

with 27 comments

Dear Cat,

My bedroom doesn’t smell badly enough. I’d really like it if you could find time to defecate next to my bed more often. Also, please be sure to scratch in the litter real loud while I’m sleeping, if you’d be so kind. To facilitate this, I’ve bought you a lovely nightstand-cum-litterbox.

Your loyal servant,


Keep those messy litter boxes out of sight and provide your cat with a safe, attractive place to sleep. The Merry Pet Cat Night Stand Pet House is designed to look like a classic, clean white cabinet with wainscoting paneling details and stainless steel hardware that fits any indoor décor. The fiberboard litter box cover keeps all ugly messes inside. The door opens wide for easy litter box scooping.

More ill-conceived products: A lure worse than the diseaseThe Scat of LuxuryWelcome to Hymen Drive


Written by The Bagel of Everything

February 12, 2008 at 7:57 am

Posted in amazon, gifts, pets, shopping, wtf

27 Responses

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  1. If the litter box is inside, where is the cat supposed to sleep?

    Also, that ugly-ass nightstand will only fit “seamlessly” into your decor if you buy your furniture at K-Mart.

    Lstly, don’t say cum litterbox anymore.


    February 12, 2008 at 9:11 am

  2. Fiberboard ?
    I hope its not “wood” fiberboard or you’ll never get the smell out from day one.
    Also, it looks like a public trash receptacle. The kind they put at bus stops.
    My cats litter box is a stainless steel 4 gal hotel pan that we keep in the bathroom right next to the shitter. What kind of fucking idiot keeps a litter box next to their bed ?


    February 12, 2008 at 9:59 am

  3. Scott: Stop telling me what to not do!

    Micky: My catbox is your standard plastic model, but with a lid. It’s covered in rock band stickers. It’s a whole lotta awesome.

    The Bagel of Everything

    February 12, 2008 at 10:02 am

  4. Good. Send a photo to the modern art museum. Preferably after not being cleaned for a month.
    Or just throw the fucking cat out the window. If it lives it will probably be as much as grilled cheese sandwich that looks like christ. If it doesnt live, well then it really wasnt a cat. And then your bed wont smell like shit anymore.


    February 12, 2008 at 10:07 am

  5. Just wait until your cat starts to develop mobility problems and starts to “miss” the litter on a regular basis.


    February 12, 2008 at 10:32 am

  6. My cat shits in the yard, just like a dog. The litter box is a last resort for her. If she’s in the house and she has to pee, she squats over the shower drain. Her owner is the one that probably needs a litter box.


    February 12, 2008 at 10:37 am

  7. Yea, but having a yard makes all the difference.We live in a townhouse. We have nice turf around us but you cant use it for your pets. I have a Great dane, a Pug and Himalayan siamese. We had some serious rain for a couple days and couldnt take the dogs on their walk. The pug actually used the litter box. The Dane is trained to shit right into a zip lock. We took the cat outside in the yard once and it just ran back in the house and cried.
    Now if I could just get my kid to flush it would be nirvana. He likes to show me when he drops one of those huge turds that comes out in one piece. The “suitable for framing” kind
    Yea Key. Still showed me the video of you eating out of the litter box.


    February 12, 2008 at 11:00 am

  8. Being a creature of habit, this is a very bad idea for me, because I’ve always kept tissues, antacid and eyedrops in the bottom cabinet of my nightstand.

    Soylent Ape

    February 12, 2008 at 11:05 am

  9. So the tissues are for the wet farts that make your eyes burn and turn red ?


    February 12, 2008 at 11:18 am

  10. Micky: I’ve been meaning to get a photo of it. It’s truly art.

    Mark: That’s what euthanasia is for.

    KW: She learned it from watching you.

    Soy: Remind me never to ask you for a condom. Or lube.

    The Bagel of Everything

    February 12, 2008 at 12:22 pm

  11. This is exactly what lonely bachelors need – a wanking box with adequate hand grips, a too-big hole , and a tray of gravel so the self abusing sonsabitches can suffer while they spew their barely motile jism across the interior.

    Available in the home furnishings section at WalMart – now there’s a joke for you

    Frontier Former Editor

    February 12, 2008 at 2:09 pm

  12. I have a feeling this is for people who don’t worry about getting laid. You know, that lady with 37 cats or that guy that’s living in his mom’s basement.

    @ keywork – you offer training services or have some sort of book about training cats to piss in the shower? how the hell did you manage that?


    February 12, 2008 at 3:14 pm

  13. Replace your cat with a manx. They’re natural hunters and good to have around.


    February 12, 2008 at 3:35 pm

  14. My cat drinks from the faucet.
    Manx eat racoons, ya know ?


    February 12, 2008 at 4:57 pm

  15. Mine don’t eat raccoon. My cat drinks from the flask.


    February 12, 2008 at 5:00 pm

  16. O.K.
    Your pussy is better than mines.
    But my cat learned to drink from the faucet in Thailand !


    February 12, 2008 at 5:44 pm

  17. wow, you should have taught your cat not to drink from faucets in Thailand.


    February 12, 2008 at 5:55 pm

  18. Well , its a Hemelayan Siamese so it was kind of outta my hands.


    February 12, 2008 at 6:05 pm

  19. Damn Dirty Siamese.


    February 12, 2008 at 6:06 pm

  20. Yea, she pole dances too.


    February 12, 2008 at 7:08 pm

  21. SEO: People with cats don’t worry about getting laid. A cat can’t say no.

    Micky: So your cat has to goto Asia anytime she’s thirsty? Even from Hawaii, that’s a long fucking swim.

    The Bagel of Everything

    February 12, 2008 at 7:23 pm

  22. We installed Thai plumbing just for her.
    Its called a toilet.
    Oh my god ! That means my pug is from Thailand also.
    But if you think about it Pugs do look kinda Thai.
    He sits up on his asshole and does this wiggle with his paws out in front of him. It looks like hes dancing. If we dont stop him his asshole starts bleeding.
    Found out his anal glands were all full of puss and itchy. Vet said I could stick my finger up his ass and pop them.
    I decided to go with the antibiotics instead. He already loves me too much


    February 12, 2008 at 7:33 pm

  23. @ micky – what is it with vets wanting us to stick our fingers up dogs’ asses to express those glands? That’s why I went to them in the first place!


    February 12, 2008 at 7:52 pm

  24. They’re undercover PETA moonbats that think bestiality is a true form of man/animal love that want us to bond with our pets on another level so we can create the supreme race.
    Fuck, I dont know. maybe they just think its funny to see all the different reactions they get when they tell people to do it


    February 12, 2008 at 9:10 pm

  25. I called my vet to have my cat neutered when she asked me his name I told her Fluffy. She said don’t you mean spaded. I said, no Fluffy is a boy, he’s gay. Fluffy the fagot. yes, my cat is a pussy. doc says because he’s part siamese.


    February 12, 2008 at 9:55 pm

  26. […] 2. Some products are better in concept than in reality. […]

  27. ‘Fluffy’ doesn’t seem like a gender-specific name to me.

    I had a big tom named Cupcake when I was a little girl. He was a brute!

    (also, you spay a female, and then they are spayed.)

    The Bagel of Everything

    March 12, 2008 at 11:47 pm

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