Ration Reality

hyperbolic excellence


with 5 comments

We’re back from vacay! We missed you so very much! I’ve got a little piece of original fiction for you, and this time, it’s family-friendly. 

“Please take me home.”

Jasper continued watching the late movie.

“I miss my family. Please take me home.”

Jasper tried to not hear the voice. He told himself it was his conscience. Maybe he’d snapped, gone nuts, flipped. Somehow, that made him feel better. But he knew that wasn’t right, because if he had gone crazy, then he’d believe that the television was crying, which it most certainly was not. It couldn’t be. TVs don’t care if they’re stolen. And if they did care, they wouldn’t keep you up all night whining about it.

“I want to go home. It’s no fun being stolen.”

The television wasn’t aware of anything. It didn’t know when Jasper was in the room, or when he went to bed. And it most definitely did not know when he spoke to it. No way, no how. It was all just coincidence. Or guilt. Or he was crazy. Jasper wanted so much for someone to come and tell him he was crazy, so he could stop worrying about it.

“Please, please take me home. I miss my family.”

Jasper had tried bargaining with the set. He’d tried threatening it. He had even tried making friends with it. The set only responded with sobbing pleas for its return. Three miserable days had passed since Jasper had stolen the set from his employers’ home — and two sleepless nights. It was worse at night.

“I don’t like it here. Please take me home.”

Jasper had tried unplugging the set, but it still cried. He had tried tuning it to stations his employers probably watched, but that didn’t help either. Jasper felt sorry for the television. And he was sorry he’d taken it. Really truly sorry.

“Please take me home. I want to go home. Please, please, please take me home.”

“Alright already!” Jasper unplugged the set, and carried it outside to his car. The TV, seeming to have sensed the movement, asked “Are we going home? I want so much to go home.”

The next morning, four year old Emmy bounded up the stairs to her parents’ room.

“Mommy, daddy! Come look on the porch! The little TV is back!”

Her daddy, David, hopped out of bed and made his way downstairs. Was it true? Could it be true?

There, on the porch, wrapped in a blanket, was the television his wife had given him for Christmas. A note was on the top, along with a gift of micro-fiber cleaning cloths and a shiny new surge protector.

On the note was scrawled “Please take good care of little Tellie. He loves you all very much.”

The science: An electronic hobbyist, David had invented a device he’d hoped would change the world– or at least make thieves feel badly. It was simple, really. A little battery-powered circuit board, wired to the television’s speaker, was tuned to a short range radio signal that broadcast from his home. When moved out of signal range, the chip-set activated the motion, light, and sound sensors that controlled the prerecorded voice.



Written by The Bagel of Everything

December 29, 2007 at 11:49 pm

5 Responses

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  1. Wow, Bagel! That’s very original! I liked the twist at the end.


    December 31, 2007 at 2:51 pm

  2. Hey, Bagel! Cool!

    I’d like to wish you and everyone here a HAPPY FREAKING NEW YEAR’S, my little Mensa misfit!


    December 31, 2007 at 7:48 pm

  3. Thanks ladies :)

    Happy New Year to you, as well.
    Here’s to another year, STD free!

    bagel of everything

    January 1, 2008 at 5:11 am

  4. Very nice, Bagel. Liked it a whole lot.

    Soylent ape

    January 1, 2008 at 11:29 am

  5. 4 comments?

    No more fiction for any of you, you ingrates!

    bagel of everything

    January 21, 2008 at 12:16 pm

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