Ration Reality

hyperbolic excellence

Reason #18 Why I’m Going to Hell

with 16 comments

The Earth is suffocating… Swear to make them cut me open, so that I won’t be buried alive.
— Last words of Frederic Chopin

My mother and I have always had a difficult relationship. Mostly because we’re both evil, controlling bitches.  When I was 13, I “came out” to her, just to make her cry. She didn’t.  She said something like “so I guess you won’t be needing your birth control refilled.”

I don’t know if she was calling my bluff, or really didn’t give a fuck. I’m straight, btw. Well, mostly.  C’mon ladies — either stop being so hot or grow the right equipment. The store-bought ones just don’t do it for me.

I find it funny, and sad at the same time. So many teens who actually are gay are afraid to come out to their parents, and I faked it just to be cruel. It was fun tho — you should totally try it.

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Written by The Bagel of Everything

December 16, 2007 at 9:59 am

16 Responses

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  1. My mother is a rip roaring liberal. She would probably say it was the right thing for me to do. And then go out and buy me a Johnny Mathis collection and some gay sex manuels.

    micky2

    December 16, 2007 at 12:00 pm

  2. With a manual.

    micky2

    December 16, 2007 at 12:02 pm

  3. manually

    bagel of everything

    December 16, 2007 at 12:29 pm

  4. …with Manuel.

    Soylent Ape

    December 17, 2007 at 7:13 am

  5. Ith so nyth when we all agree.
    Thilly girl

    micky2

    December 17, 2007 at 10:04 am

  6. Wait, I forgot what we were talking about.

    Are you faking a lisp now? That’s offensive to me. ;b

    The Bagel of Everything

    January 31, 2008 at 10:28 pm

  7. Bagel, thats good shit. My dads an ass and I did the same thing when I was 15. He lost it though. It was funny as hell. And, no, store bought is just not the same!

    sportypenny

    January 31, 2008 at 11:10 pm

  8. What lithsp ?

    micky2

    February 1, 2008 at 10:44 am

  9. Thith one.

    keywork.

    February 1, 2008 at 11:03 am

  10. Fuck you bitsth

    micky2

    February 1, 2008 at 11:09 am

  11. Isth Kevin pissthed now ?

    micky2

    February 1, 2008 at 11:10 am

  12. Sportpenny: It’s fun to be an asshole, isn’t it?

    Micky: Don’t restart the drama, plz.

    The Bagel of Everything

    February 1, 2008 at 11:20 am

  13. Ith all good. Ith innothent humor

    micky2

    February 1, 2008 at 11:44 am

  14. Bagel: Sure is. My boyfriend is getting used to it, I think. If not, oh well. Not my problem!

    sportypenny

    February 1, 2008 at 12:38 pm

  15. Welcome to ЯR, SportPenny.
    I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you the following friendly questions:

    1) Are you now, or have you ever been, a blogger?
    2) Do you find dead baby jokes to be:
    – a) disgusting
    – b) offensive
    – c) hilarious
    – d) all of the above
    3) When did you receive your first serious head injury?
    4) What are your thoughts on mudkip?
    5) Who’ll stop the rain?

    The Bagel of Everything

    February 1, 2008 at 8:20 pm

  16. […] posts:  That’s just wong! – Reason #18 Why I’m Going to Hell – My shit’s on random LolKill: Like LolCats, but deader  – LOLTheist: Blasphemy is […]


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