Ration Reality

hyperbolic excellence

The O-Face Game

with 37 comments

It’s that time again: Crappy Catalog Season. I hate those tree murdering,  mailbox overfillers, but I can’t help flipping through the more colorful ones.  Especially Spilsbury. Their products are flimsy crap, but shiny flimsy crap, so that makes it ok. This may be the most awesome novelty game ad ever:


SHOCKING DUEL

How long can you hang on? Both contestants grab hold of a handle, then prepare for shocks of increasing intensity and duration. Shocking Duel will sort out the men from the boys!

Excuse me?

More crappy posts about shitty gifts:
Jesus Saves … guitar picks? – The Nipple Extractor – The Scat of Luxury – The tiniest Santa

We just switched themes, so expect some complications. Please let us know of any issues.

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Written by The Bagel of Everything

December 2, 2007 at 3:17 am

37 Responses

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  1. What, did you guys switch theme or something?

    There’s a ton of complications…

    Jim

    December 2, 2007 at 4:23 pm

  2. Ahh…College!

    Soylent Ape

    December 2, 2007 at 8:26 pm

  3. The new theme threw me off a bit, but it works. I haven’t seen any problems with it.

    Anyways, I know a few people who’d willingly play that game. Sober, even. I have a feeling they’re all masochists. I mean, they voluntarily listen to Fall Out Boy. Come on.

    Cody

    December 3, 2007 at 12:05 am

  4. Never thought I’d need to say this to a guy your age, Cody, but you need to get your mind in the gutter.
    Seriously, look at their expressions.

    bagel of everything

    December 3, 2007 at 12:09 am

  5. It’s clinically-proven that electrical current administered to the appropriate area will enduce ejaculation…although, I don’t think WordPress would allow us to post that photograph here.

    Soylent Ape

    December 3, 2007 at 12:38 am

  6. Heh, now I feel dumb. I’ve always been a bit naive…I thought it wore off after graduation, but I guess not.

    Cody

    December 3, 2007 at 5:34 am

  7. Soy: Bend over, baby, and we’ll find out!

    Cody: I’m quite fond of naive college boys. Wait…naive is French for nude, right?

    bagel of everything

    December 3, 2007 at 6:14 am

  8. @ Cody: Naivite’ iis is not stupidity. Don’t feel badly.

    @ Bagel: Uhh, no.

    Soylent Ape

    December 3, 2007 at 7:42 am

  9. I think I like the new theme. Soy, watch your cornhole, buddy.

    keywork.

    December 3, 2007 at 10:18 am

  10. Soy: If bagel can get away with posting porn and calling it art, I think you can get away with calling this an experiment…for science!!!

    Cody

    December 3, 2007 at 5:43 pm

  11. @ Keywork: It’s not like I’m going to a federal “pound-me-in-the-ass” prison or anything like that.

    @ Cody: For science…yes; for science.

    Soylent Ape

    December 4, 2007 at 12:44 am

  12. Ape: Nah, man, you ain’t fucking up my life too.

    keywork.

    December 4, 2007 at 10:19 am

  13. Hey Keywork !
    Why dont you tell everyone about the shock involved in phone sex ?

    micky2

    December 4, 2007 at 5:17 pm

  14. Almost forgot, micky. It involves a princess phone and a stretchy or non-stretchy orifice. I’m working on perfecting this just as soon as the first tears heal. Thanks, Micky!

    keywork.

    December 4, 2007 at 5:21 pm

  15. You mean that’s not how you’re sposed to phonesex?
    My phone vibrates. Also it takes pictures :)

    bagel of everything

    December 4, 2007 at 5:30 pm

  16. Can it take pictures while it vibrates? I thought initially (and most unfortunately, I might add) that I should be using a cellphone. All I had laying around was one of those bagphones. I can’t even begin to describe my humiliation when I learned that the much smaller princess phone would have sufficed.

    keywork.

    December 4, 2007 at 5:54 pm

  17. It also has an absorbent cotton swab on the antenna tip. Makes my amateur gynecology hobby much more ..erm.. productive.

    bagel of everything

    December 4, 2007 at 5:57 pm

  18. Productive….or legitimate?

    keywork.

    December 4, 2007 at 6:00 pm

  19. There you go teasing me about my bastardry again! It’s not my fault you wouldn’t marry my mommy!

    bagel of everything

    December 4, 2007 at 6:12 pm

  20. Gosh, remember when phones were as big as shoe boxes and hung on the wall and you had to crank them.( gimme some crank and I’ll do anything)(almost)
    And cell phones were as big as a loaf of bread ?
    Must been some hard times.
    But I’m sure there was a time when dildos were made out of wood too.
    Fucking termites.

    micky2

    December 4, 2007 at 6:51 pm

  21. Micky: Sorta. I’m from a rural, mountainous area, so cellphones didn’t really work.
    I do remember when I was 18 and I had my first cell-toting boyfriend. My mom saw the scrap of paper I’d written his number on, and said something like: “Gee, I figured your first time having a boyfriend with a cell number, it would be the kind with metal bars.”
    Honest.

    Wooden termite dildos? You mean like this?

    bagel of everything

    December 4, 2007 at 6:57 pm

  22. Actually I’ve never even seen one of those crank phones, except for in the movies or some artsy fartsy over decorated restaurant, like TGIF. But I do remember my 50 th birthday.
    18 huh ? That must make you about 30-35 ?
    As far as termites go, they’re actually not as bad as the splinters, I’ve heard.
    If it werent for one night stands I dont think I ever would of found my wife, she wouldnt let me fuck her for a year(from the day the I met her).And I was 35 when I met her.
    Novelty is everything.

    micky2

    December 4, 2007 at 7:33 pm

  23. I’m 30.

    Remember, noone bothers with cellphones in an area where they don’t work.

    bagel of everything

    December 4, 2007 at 7:44 pm

  24. Why would you have a cell phone in an area that doesnt work ?
    Or do they pretend to speak on them and try to look cool ?
    Fishing poles in the desert ?

    micky2

    December 4, 2007 at 7:54 pm

  25. He had just moved to our area, and couldn’t grasp our backward ways.
    He was a pharmacist!

    bagel of everything

    December 4, 2007 at 8:02 pm

  26. Was ? Hand in the cookie jar ?
    Where do you guys live ? In a fucking cave ?

    micky2

    December 4, 2007 at 8:22 pm

  27. Was cuz we broke up. If you’re not in my life, you don’t exist. It’s science.

    Grew up in WV. Don’t live there now tho.

    bagel of everything

    December 4, 2007 at 8:24 pm

  28. My first cell phone had a cord and came in a leather bag. It had an amplified antenna that was fixed to my truck. This would have been around ’93. Hand-held phones were available, but the geography of the area meant I needed the high output of a bagphone. I remember when they developed an amplified antenna that would travel with the bag. “Now it’s portable!”, said the lady at the CellularOne store. I laughed long and hard.

    Soylent Ape

    December 4, 2007 at 9:14 pm

  29. Ahh yes, long and hard.
    So have all of you shoved your phones up your asses yet ?
    I’m the new guy, so if thats a little forward I’m sorry.

    micky2

    December 4, 2007 at 10:07 pm

  30. Actually, your suggestion reminded me to remove the phone from my ass. It’s kind of a Hanakkah tradition. 8 days of no ass phone is my mitzvah.

    Wait, I’m not jewish. Someone hand me my phone, plz.

    bagel of everything

    December 4, 2007 at 10:10 pm

  31. Since they’re all fuckin usless you might as well get something out of them.
    And in a retaliatory statement you should give them all back to your original providers , and dont wash them

    micky2

    December 4, 2007 at 10:22 pm

  32. My favorite one was from those head slammin metalergists Mannferd Man.

    Wrapped up like a douche, you know the roller in the night ?

    “Dressed up like a dude, another roller in the night.”
    “Wrapped up like a douche, I knew their owner every night.”
    “Racked up like a douche, another lover in the night.”
    “Wake up like a douche, or a rubber in the night.”
    “Torn up like a douche, another stoner in the night.”
    “Wrap up the old deuce, a Nutter Butter in the night.”
    “Wrapped up like a douche, another rumor in the night.”

    micky2

    December 17, 2007 at 5:03 pm

  33. Ooops, wrong thread again.
    Oh well.

    micky2

    December 17, 2007 at 5:04 pm

  34. lol
    Did you mean to put those here?

    bagel of everything

    December 17, 2007 at 5:08 pm

  35. No,sorry.
    My dickslexia is kickin in.
    I meant to put it on depp vs hasselhoff

    micky2

    December 17, 2007 at 5:16 pm

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