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Resident Evil: Putting the STINK in Extinction

with 24 comments

Resident Evil:Extinction is not a good film.

 
With Sony product placements outnumbering gratuitous nipple shots,
this movie was worse than the home movie of my first big-kid poops.

I didn’t expect alot of depth from it. Bravia™. I didn’t expect the science to hold together (why didn’t the desert zombies dessicate and blow away?) Vaio™. I did, however, expect it to look good. Cybershot™. I occasionally enjoy high-budget, vapid Hollywood nonsense. Discman™. RE:E looked cobbled together from the leavings of a Romero gorefest.  Playstation™. The “OMG this is going to be soooo shocking!” blood and guts scenes gave me the giggles.  Ericsson™.

The scene with the crows was pretty cool tho…
 

 bagel

Soylent Ape’s opinion:

I didn’t have the highest expectations for Resident Evil: Extinction.  It is based on a video game, after all.  What I did expect was a film that looked great and, at least, held together.  What I got was a 90 minute-long commercial for Sony electronics (Sony is the parent company of RE:E’s distributing studio, Screen Gems.)  This wasn’t the worst part.  In fact, it was probably the most entertaining thing about the movie, since the product placements were about as subtle as Warrant’s “Cherry Pie” video.  (Warrant’s then-label, Epic Records, incidentally, is another Sony holding.  See a pattern?)  Call me old-fashioned, but I like movies with substance: credible plots, reasonably-developed characters, nice aesthetics, etc…  Resident Evil: Extinction offered me so many plot holes and story inconsistencies that it totally took me out of the movie’s reality.  The characters were one-dimensional, but that’s okay, because the acting, for the most part, was too–but the main cast sure looked good, and that’s all that matters, right?  The best performance, for my (wasted) money was from R&B superstar Ashanti, and she’s not even an actress! 

I have a rule by which I don’t follow movie franchises past their first sequel.  I should have gone by it this time.  After spending $9 for a ticket, $4 for a small cherry cola and $5 for a small popcorn, we all should get a little more for our investment.  Demand better, people! Demand Zombies on a Plane!

-So(n)y

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Written by The Bagel of Everything

September 23, 2007 at 3:02 am

24 Responses

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  1. thanks for the link…

    andyfox1979

    September 23, 2007 at 4:41 am

  2. Did you think an Ali Larter movie would be all that?

    Stiletto

    September 23, 2007 at 7:47 am

  3. Very Good

    wimbo

    September 23, 2007 at 7:58 am

  4. I want to see Flight of the Living Dead more than I want to see my family at Christmas.

    I’ll leave that open to reader interpretation.

    bagel of everything

    September 23, 2007 at 4:48 pm

  5. Good point, Stiletto.

    @ andyfox1979: No problem! Thanks for coming by!

    @ Wimbo: Thanks! Some back again!

    Soylent Ape

    September 23, 2007 at 5:46 pm

  6. This relates to why I don’t watch CNN or FOX News or hell, any mainstream “news organization” – b/c they’re all owned by huge corporations promoting their own agendas.

    I find product placement in movies distracting.

    stepher

    September 23, 2007 at 7:54 pm

  7. stiletto, what are you doing here? It’s weird when you see someone you know from your blog on another blog.

    Its like catching your girlfriend out to lunch with your best friend. “we were just planning your birthday party”. Yeah right.

    andyfox1979

    September 23, 2007 at 11:52 pm

  8. So that was you giggling behind us this afternoon! My teenager dragged me to this crapfest only hours ago, after I returned from working an all-night shift, and the soundtrack was cranked up so loud I couldn’t even sleep. That and Bagel’s frickin’ giggling every time someone got their face ripped off.

    ~Raven

    somedaynurse

    September 23, 2007 at 11:57 pm

  9. Stepher: I don’t mind well done product placements. Sometimes a character drinking a Pepsi is more realistic than some made up brand with a blurry label. This..well, you gotta see the scene with the camera, cellphone, and infant toy to get my point.

    Andy: She was mine first!

    Raven: Yeah, sorry bout the popcorn in your hair.

    bagel of everything

    September 24, 2007 at 12:07 am

  10. Andy, I felt that way when I saw Bagel in your neck of the woods…It was bizarre seeing her name in the comment section. I thought, What is she doing here? How dare she betray me like this!

    Getting back to business…has anyone seen Silent Hill? Is it any good? Any better?

    Stiletto

    September 24, 2007 at 12:28 am

  11. Popcorn? Stop lying, Bagel. You know you were picking your nose and flicking it.

    Stiletto

    September 24, 2007 at 12:30 am

  12. Stil: You love me most, right?

    I loved Silent Hill, and can’t wait for the sequel.
    You can get away with more plotholes when your movie has supernatural elements. And it looked damn good. That’s really what counts, isn’t it?

    Also: I was pickin and flickin, but it weren’t muh nose. Theaters are dark…

    bagel of everything

    September 24, 2007 at 12:34 am

  13. were you picking your bagel hole?

    love, ron

    hedgehog

    September 24, 2007 at 12:43 am

  14. I prefer to call it my everything

    bagel of everything

    September 24, 2007 at 12:52 am

  15. i’m still waiting for them to make Burger Time into a movie…

    Burger Time

    andyfox1979

    September 24, 2007 at 3:55 am

  16. […] out there will be a screening, and your friend will be attending this Tuesday. As one blogger put it on another blog:  “I want to see Flight Of The Living Dead more than I want to see my […]

  17. As if the first two weren’t punishment enough.

    keywork

    September 24, 2007 at 8:36 am

  18. Why do I have the sudden urge to go out and buy Sony products that I neither need nor want? Damn you mass media and your wily ways!

    Cody

    September 24, 2007 at 12:41 pm

  19. Andy: They will, darlin. They will.

    KW: I didn’t see the first 2. I thought the previews for this one looked AWESOME, and decided to go see it soon as it was released. Nobody warned me. Until after I’d seen it. Thanks alot, internets. You really let me down.

    Cody: Sixty-two thousand four hundred repetitions make one truth.

    bagel of everything

    September 24, 2007 at 3:53 pm

  20. @ Andy: Burger Time: The Movie? All these recycled cultural icons have really worn me down, but that would be awe-some!!

    @ Raven: Sorry. She can be a bit inconsiderate.

    Soylent Ape

    September 24, 2007 at 7:22 pm

  21. okay, in that crow clip, those people are fucking ignorant. Where the hell were their shot guns? That was SOOOOO fake.

    seohack

    September 25, 2007 at 1:21 pm

  22. Who needs shotguns when you have a giant firegun?
    The clip cut off just before it got really really good

    bagel of everything

    September 25, 2007 at 2:57 pm

  23. […] posts: Resident Evil: Putting the STINK in Extinction  Movie trailers recut as slasher flicks  A Glass Half Shattered – Anti-anti-consumerism A […]

  24. […] out there will be a screening, and your friend will be attending this Tuesday. As one blogger put it on another blog: “I want to see Flight Of The Living Dead more than I want to see my […]


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