Ration Reality

hyperbolic excellence

Word of the Week: Blepharoplasty

with 50 comments

 Everyone’s favorite dirty, dirty monkey, Deviant, has written a !WORD! so
satirically beautiful, Johnathan Swift has surely creamed in his coffin.

correcting God's mistakes

The word for this week is blepharoplasty, or as I like to refer to it: correcting nature’s mistakes.

Asian-Blepharoplasty is a form of cosmetic surgery that is taking the yellow continent of Asia by storm. It is the most sophisticated answer for sufferers of Epicanthal Folds.

As defined by Wikipedia:

…the presence of the epicanthal fold can be a symptom of fetal alcohol syndrome, chromosomal disorders such as Down syndrome (Trisomy 21) Cri du Chat syndrome, or pre-term birth…or simply being Chinese.

…my buddy’s head had rolled clean off his shoulder like a watermelon rolling off a market perch…the naked gook woman emerged violently from the wet jungle. I reached for my rifle, but she was too quick. In one alarming move the girl threw herself at me, sobbing and covered in blood, as if the weight of the musky morning had trampled on her…

Oh! I’m sorry, that was just a ‘Nam flashback!

I know what you’re thinking, “but its simply not fair Kevin. As a non-retarded Asian person, what can I do to correct my hideous God-awful eyes?”

Well the blepharoplasty will solve all of your pathetic chink problems!

Several decades of important research by our top scientists have discovered an undeniable link between the attractiveness and success of double eyelid folded individuals versus the base squalor of single eyelid unfortunates [citation needed!]

Like any cosmetic procedures, Asian-Blepharoplasty has its detractors, but for the most part this procedure is heavily encouraged in the Western world. After all, what better way to tell the world you fit in than by cutting up and folding in a piece of your eyelid?

Before Blepharoplasty:

and After Blepharoplasty


With blepharoplasty you too can be a Western beauty!

-Resources:


A cheaper alternative to blepharoplasty.


Blepharoplasty makes me so horny

so i herd u like epicanthal foldz?
so i herd u liek epicanthal foldz?

Previous !Word!s:

The best lols are educationalols

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Written by The Bagel of Everything

September 18, 2007 at 9:24 am

50 Responses

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  1. I like my steaks seared on both sides and reddish/purple in the middle. Thanks, Bagel, but I’m still hongry.

    keywork

    September 18, 2007 at 11:30 am

  2. Me so hongry, me dine long time?

    bagel of everything

    September 18, 2007 at 1:01 pm

  3. exactly.

    keywork

    September 18, 2007 at 1:03 pm

  4. Why, what’s wrong with epitcanthic eyes? I consider folks with epicanthic eyes to be the ‘marzipan’ of home sapiens . . . .

    Frontier Former Editor

    September 18, 2007 at 1:12 pm

  5. mmmm….marzipan…

    keywork

    September 18, 2007 at 1:13 pm

  6. Wait, peanut marzipan or almond marzipan? The difference is HUGE.

    bagel of everything

    September 18, 2007 at 1:15 pm

  7. almond is the only way to go.

    keywork

    September 18, 2007 at 1:15 pm

  8. and Deviant – your stuff leaves me grasping for comments, it’s so damn over the top. I wish I could be you . . . in straight, middle-aged white way, of course . . .

    Frontier Former Editor

    September 18, 2007 at 1:18 pm

  9. once almond, never back?

    Frontier Former Editor

    September 18, 2007 at 1:21 pm

  10. depends on the presentation.

    keywork

    September 18, 2007 at 1:28 pm

  11. FFE: So you wanna be a hot latin geek?

    KW: The peanut marzipan is a bad bad joke they play on true lovers of marzipan.

    bagel of everything

    September 18, 2007 at 1:29 pm

  12. nobody here is laughing.

    keywork

    September 18, 2007 at 1:36 pm

  13. Well, since you put it that way . . . . sure, I’d like to be Erik Estrada!

    Frontier Former Editor

    September 18, 2007 at 1:42 pm

  14. I’d rather be Marc Anthony.

    keywork

    September 18, 2007 at 1:47 pm

  15. Thanks Mr. Frontier Editor…former. I think my demographic is definitely white middle class latent racists!

    Kevin

    September 18, 2007 at 1:49 pm

  16. she said geek, not sensitive, troubled Latino star gettin’ some Jlo every night

    Frontier Former Editor

    September 18, 2007 at 1:49 pm

  17. I just ate a pecan pie btw, just to toss my two cents into the great cake debate up there.

    Kevin

    September 18, 2007 at 1:54 pm

  18. pecan marzipan…does that exist?

    bagel of everything

    September 18, 2007 at 1:55 pm

  19. damn
    if it doesn’t, it oughta

    wait, there’s pecan divinity. that’s about as close as you can get, I guess

    Frontier Former Editor

    September 18, 2007 at 1:56 pm

  20. You’re right, most ‘geeks’ are known to have high rates of testosterone coursing through their veins. I think Marc Anthony is a geek. Sensitive and troubled? Might be a geek.

    keywork

    September 18, 2007 at 2:03 pm

  21. You know, I feel like the old pie-carrying lady in Blazing Saddles now . . . .

    Frontier Former Editor

    September 18, 2007 at 2:06 pm

  22. Kevin: You forgot homophobic.
    KW: And also, hot.
    FFE: Pie? Someone has pie?

    bagel of everything

    September 18, 2007 at 2:08 pm

  23. Right-foot-tapping-good pie too!

    Frontier Former Editor

    September 18, 2007 at 2:11 pm

  24. that’s low

    bagel of everything

    September 18, 2007 at 2:14 pm

  25. figured it fit my demographic

    Frontier Former Editor

    September 18, 2007 at 2:25 pm

  26. My mother had this surgery done. It’s not a big deal. Actually, I’ve recently considered it but I have eyelids. I just figured…bigger is better?

    Stiletto

    September 18, 2007 at 5:54 pm

  27. Seriously your mom did it?
    Dude, don’t do it!
    It’s a silly practice that I hope will one day go the way of foot-binding.

    bagel of everything

    September 18, 2007 at 6:23 pm

  28. Yes she did when I was sixteen. It looks good though. She doesn’t look Asian anymore she looks Mexican or something.

    Stiletto

    September 18, 2007 at 6:41 pm

  29. I see. That’s an improvement?
    Sounds like she stepped down a bit in stereotypes.
    What’s wrong with looking Asian?
    Alot of men think asian chicks are hot, and I have a bit of a fetish for asian men.

    bagel of everything

    September 18, 2007 at 11:08 pm

  30. It’s the extra muscle. Or the myth of the extra muscle.

    keywork

    September 19, 2007 at 9:59 am

  31. Extra muscle?
    KW, you got some splainin to do!

    bagel of everything

    September 19, 2007 at 10:49 am

  32. Ok, I’ve heard from some sources that Asian women possess an extra muscle in their boxes. Can’t confirm, but I did some reading and found that this may not be an extra muscle at all. It may just be muscle built from excessive kegelry and Ben Wa excercises. Through my extensive research, I have determined that this is common practice among the Asian peoples. And by extensive research, I mean checking out a website and making a vague, false generalization based on what my friend from Florida told me. Apparently, the majority of non-Asian females don’t excercise like that. If you did, I don’t think the legend of the Great Asian Vagina would even exist. So remember, when you’re sitting alone on your couch, so is your vagina.

    keywork

    September 19, 2007 at 11:23 am

  33. probably came from the same source that ‘vagina dentata’ came from.

    No, not “The Lion King.”

    Frontier Former Editor

    September 19, 2007 at 1:03 pm

  34. No, vagina dentata is a much less common myth. Most of my sources breath and present themselves as human beings. This one actually carries some weight.

    keywork

    September 19, 2007 at 1:22 pm

  35. hmmmm
    lemme know when you find a couple of them . . ..

    Frontier Former Editor

    September 19, 2007 at 1:28 pm

  36. I like to keep one in my trunk for random questioning.

    keywork

    September 19, 2007 at 1:32 pm

  37. That’s the rumor. Whether it’s true that’s for me to know and you to find out. Will cost you a nice bottle of Bordeaux, a good dinner, and tantalizing convo.

    Stiletto

    September 19, 2007 at 3:08 pm

  38. @Stiletto: Well stated. I guess we’ll never know. Pinot Noir, something cooked, and slurred drunk speak? Well, it worked on my wife.

    keywork

    September 19, 2007 at 3:21 pm

  39. Stiletto: If only you still thought I was a guy, cuz you totally left yourself wide the fuck open.

    bagel of everything

    September 19, 2007 at 7:33 pm

  40. Well, it’s more proper than fucking wide open.

    Stiletto

    September 19, 2007 at 7:42 pm

  41. OK. I wanted to say something about a lip reduction or something for black folks but then I remembered people pay for my lips! Ahaha.
    BTW, those pics almost made me puke. Then I thought about Bagel’s plan of getting trim and decided to let the convulsions continue…I’m well on my way to thinner thighs already.

    Arm Jerker J.

    September 20, 2007 at 10:23 pm

  42. Yeah, sorry AJJ. I went a lil overboard when I made that opening picture.

    Who’s been payin for your lips? Fallen on hard times, have we? Oh, wait..that’s prolly not the way you meant it. ;b

    bagel of everything

    September 21, 2007 at 4:01 am

  43. your huge chocolate lips are like a throbbing city that i’d like to nuke with my vanilla cream

    hedgehog

    September 21, 2007 at 9:06 pm

  44. that just got me kinda hot, hedge.

    Arm Jerker J.

    September 22, 2007 at 12:42 pm

  45. Yeah, hedge. Women are suckers for romance

    bagel of everything

    September 24, 2007 at 4:31 pm

  46. […] Word of the Week: Blepharoplasty […]

  47. […] Word of the Week: Blepharoplasty […]

  48. And just think, Hedgehog’s cream is kosher so consider yourself clean and blessed…

    Stiletto

    October 5, 2007 at 12:45 pm

  49. […] posts: Lead Toys From China: Murder or Salvation? – Word of the Week: Blepharoplasty  « Tax Hike for […]

  50. […] !Word!s: Mondegreen – Blepharoplasty – Cordyceps – Jenkem – CILF – Fursecution   « For all your Entertainment and […]


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