Ration Reality

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Tom Corbett: Ass Cadet

with 38 comments

Learning with Tom Corbett

Tom Corbett Donkey Punch

Donkey Punch

Slang: A potentially lethal sexual practice performed during anal
sex, wherin the penetrating partner punches the receiving partner
in the back of the head or neck in order to induce anal contractions.

This is the first in our new series: Tom Corbett: Ass Cadet

Future entries will be filed here.

i want that on a shirt!
Get it on a shirt (or a thong!)

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Written by The Bagel of Everything

September 6, 2007 at 8:18 am

38 Responses

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  1. bagel…you amuse me

    criminyjicket

    September 6, 2007 at 1:53 pm

  2. oh hell, I thought it said ass-coder. now everything makes much more sense.

    SEOHack

    September 6, 2007 at 2:18 pm

  3. oh snapz.

    arm jerker j

    September 6, 2007 at 3:39 pm

  4. btw. i thought it said ass coder as well.

    arm jerker j

    September 6, 2007 at 3:40 pm

  5. Bagel, I’m…jesus, I’m stunned. Is this..for real?

    That’s it. You’ve totally inspired me to start a blog as freaky and wrong as yours….

    I’m mesmerized! Oh no – [sniffing] Is my house on fire again?

    Stiletto

    September 6, 2007 at 7:34 pm

  6. SEO & AJJ: I’ve got the second one done already, but I’ll see about changing the font on future ones. Maybe just doing it all caps. I’m not good with making the arts.

    Stiletto: For real… The line art is for real. From the Tom Corbett: Space Cadet media empire of the 50s. And we both know you know a donkey punch is for real ;b.

    bagel of everything

    September 7, 2007 at 4:06 am

  7. So are the contractions. Ever heard of the Dirty Moose? Physically, not as pleasurable, but knowing that you pulled it off will make you laugh hard everytime you think of it.

    keywork

    September 7, 2007 at 9:09 am

  8. The internets have failed me. I can’t find any info.

    Do tell, KW!

    bagel of everything

    September 7, 2007 at 9:15 am

  9. This is the closest thing I could find on the intershit:
    “10. The Flying Camel – A personal favorite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees, you carefully balance yourself without using your arms to prop yourself up. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long, shrieking howl, much like a coyote. Strictly a class move.”
    Instead of flapping your arms, you place your open hands by your head with the thumbs to your temples, simulating antlers. This should be done in front of a mirror, so you have a mental snapshot of the hilarity. The howl should be more of a low bellow or other moose-type noise. The dirty part is the way this girl will certainly feel after she has been shamed by moose.
    happy friday,

    the keywork.

    keywork

    September 7, 2007 at 9:55 am

  10. hahaha
    that’s funny

    bagel of everything

    September 7, 2007 at 9:59 am

  11. wrong wrong wrong…how exactly is a donkey punch pleasurable to anyone?
    (yes i thought it was CODER too…)

    Stona Lisa

    September 7, 2007 at 10:10 am

  12. does this one look better? (The link is temporary, I’ll be taking it down later)

    Sorry kids, link has gone away. Gotta be fast to get the previews!

    bagel of everything

    September 7, 2007 at 10:16 am

  13. much….

    Stona Lisa

    September 7, 2007 at 10:18 am

  14. I had a buddy in college, name of Chris. He was a serious asshole, but that might be why we got along.

    Well Chris had this girl that was stalking him. I mean no shit hard core stalking him. He’s from Chicago, we’re at college in South Carolina, and this chick transferred down to College of Charleston from her old school in Chicago so that she could be near him. Chris wanted jack fucking nothing to do with her.

    Well, one day he finally gets fed up with the situation, and decides to make this problem go away.

    He takes her to dinner at Magnolias – one of Charleston’s finest restaurants – then takes her to a suite at one of the nicest hotels in town. He has prepared the room with candles and rose petals on the bed, etc., and he proceeds to give her the fuck of her life.

    Doesn’t sound too bad, does it?

    Well, he’s getting ready to blow his load, so he flips her over, so she’s face-down, ass-up (that’s the way she likes to fuck) and shoves it straight into her ass. She’s so turned on, so head-over-heels in love with him that she LOVES it. She’s so thankful that Chris is finally reciprocating her love, after all the years of playing hard to get. (She’s been after him since middle school.)

    Chris blows his load in her ass, quite predictably, but she’s still building up towards her orgasm. He whips it out, throws a rubber on, and starts pounding her in the normal hole, and puts some fingers into her asshole, and JUST as she finally breaks over into a full-blown shrieking orgasm, her shrieks change tone significantly.

    Chris has brought another friend to the party. A very very dirty friend, by the name of Sanchez.

    The two fingers that had been in her ass curled up and got a nice gooey brown-and-white scoop of nasty, which he then smeared on her upper lip in a big Pancho Villa-style moustache. The other hand went back for a second load, and he gave himself a moustache as well.

    He flipped her over, and continues to pound away, eyes wild, forehead sweating, with a big brown moustached grin leering down at her.

    Once she started punching him and screaming ‘NO, NO, NO, GET THE FUCK OFF ME!!!!’ he let her up, grabbed his clothes, and locked himself in the bathroom. It being a suite, the sink was in the bathroom, not the room, and he took a nice luxurious shower.

    When he came back out of the room, she was gone. He called her dorm room a couple days later, and her roommate asked what the hell had happened, saying that Beth had dropped out of college the very next day, and had loaded her stuff in her car and gone back to Chicago.

    He didn’t tell the roommate all the details. He also never heard from Beth again.

    Ah, happy endings…

    jessecuster

    September 7, 2007 at 10:20 am

  15. trust me, if you’re doing the punching, this is extremely gratifying. same applies to the moosing. It’s sorta like Islam, if you’re a woman, you aren’t going to enjoy ANY of this.

    keywork

    September 7, 2007 at 10:23 am

  16. I do!
    But then, I’ve never been good at being a girl!
    I think I’d love moosing. Would seriously crack me up. And laughter is the best kegel!

    bagel of everything

    September 7, 2007 at 10:31 am

  17. you, bagel, are one of the few.

    keywork

    September 7, 2007 at 10:59 am

  18. New header up. Refresh if you don’t be seeing it.
    Took me like 20 minutes. Jesse coulda sneezed on the screen and made one. I wish I had art skills. And a sketch pad. That would be nice.

    bagel of everything

    September 7, 2007 at 12:01 pm

  19. oh shit, almost forgot, kegal rhymes with bagel. there.
    Jesse: thanks for sharing your heartwarming tale of love lost.

    keywork

    September 7, 2007 at 5:34 pm

  20. KW: I was going to ask you “WTF country are you FOB from? Kegel doesn’t rhyme with bagel!” But then I looked up the pronunciation key, to paste in here, and well, I’ve been pronouncing it wrong. I said it like “key gull”. I’m a stupid head.

    Jesse: I finally read that long ass comment, and HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! By “my friend Chris”, do you mean “I” ?

    bagel of everything

    September 8, 2007 at 6:26 am

  21. it still does not rhyme….
    (just thought id throw my 2cents in where it dont belong…)

    Stona Lisa

    September 8, 2007 at 9:16 am

  22. Sorry, Stona. I wasn’t clear.
    “key gull” is how I pronounced it /before/ I looked it up.
    It’s actually key-guhl, rhymes with bey-guhl.
    Learning is fun!

    bagel of everything

    September 8, 2007 at 9:39 am

  23. @Bagel(ba-gul),Stona(sto-nuh): yeah, from now on, I’ll put the pronunciation in parenthesis for you. but thank you for actually checking up on it instead of just blasting me. That’s why the keywork has love for the RR.

    keywork

    September 10, 2007 at 9:48 am

  24. I love me some pronunciation keys. And I love me some keywork.
    But mostly, I love stona. She is good ppl. Stona was one of our firstest fans, ya know.

    bagel of everything

    September 10, 2007 at 9:52 am

  25. word, no knocks on either of youse. feel free to promote chillowdrive 07, you know we needs chillows.

    keywork

    September 10, 2007 at 9:58 am

  26. Cool pillows for hot people!

    I just left an 1000 word comment on your blog. My wrist hurts.
    You owe me.

    bagel of everything

    September 10, 2007 at 10:06 am

  27. That was one long…comment. Thank you, I do owe you.

    keywork

    September 10, 2007 at 10:22 am

  28. […] Entry: Tom Corbett: Donkey Punch. Future entries in this series will be filed […]

  29. […] This patch, based on the original, was made for us by our good friend
    Frontier Former Editor. He has much awesome […]

  30. I think I’ve discovered a non-homoerotic use for the donkey punch, like when I want to kick the shit out of my weekend supervisor but don’t want my foot to go up her ass in the process. A good, hard anal contraction should do just the trick.

    Thank you Tom Corbett!

    Frontier Former Editor

    September 16, 2007 at 12:09 am

  31. Tom Corbett is here to assist you, law abiding civilian, for that is the Ass Cadet way.

    bagel of everything

    September 16, 2007 at 12:34 am

  32. “My wrist hurts.
    You owe me.”

    Wasn’t that what Monica Lewinsky said to Bill?

    Frontier Former Editor

    September 16, 2007 at 8:18 am

  33. Damn, I was wondering how I could dislodge one of those old, hard stools…you know the ones that lodge all off “up in there and don’t move”

    I’ve been eating Dulcolax and Ex Lax till I’m blue in the face. Hell, all I needed was a Tom Corbett Donkey Punch to get my anus contracting.

    Almost sounds like a Steppenwolf song!!!

    Tom Corbett Anti Constipation Move…good for what ails your ass.

    lauriekendrick

    September 21, 2007 at 2:04 pm

  34. I knew there had to be a bright side for the recipient.
    That’s my mommy, always the thinker!

    bagel of everything

    September 21, 2007 at 6:53 pm

  35. […] Tom Corbett: Donkey Punch […]

  36. saying that this made me laugh out loud is a huge understatement. this one might be my fav

    spanky

    October 16, 2007 at 10:21 am

  37. I think it’s my fave too, spankymax.

    bagel of everything

    October 16, 2007 at 11:37 am

  38. Xanax….

    Xanax….

    Xanax.

    June 18, 2008 at 11:02 pm


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