Ration Reality

hyperbolic excellence

The Scat of Luxury

with 14 comments

real gold ink

Dear Amazon.com,

Who the hell is buying these things?

Seriously,

Bagel

Monogram Toilet Paper

Product Features

  • Facial Quality 2-ply Paper
  • Non-Toxic Gold Ink
  • Individually Shrink Wrapped
  • Great Gift Idea
  • Great for Housewarming Gifts

Amazon.com Product Description
These rolls are so cute! The perfect personalization for your bathroom. Each roll is printed with a gold letter on facial quality 2-ply toilet paper with non toxic safe inks and then individually shrink wrapped. Guests will talk about the toilet tissue! These also make great guest favors. Or even gifts for the honeymoon. These also make great housewarming gifts!

For more products to wipe your ass on, see: What’s an integrity?

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Written by The Bagel of Everything

August 26, 2007 at 2:03 pm

14 Responses

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  1. I think we all know what the ‘P’ stands for.

    Soylent Ape

    August 26, 2007 at 2:17 pm

  2. Perhaps the “P” is alliterative instructions:

    Puss
    Piss
    Pat (as in dry)

    Pours Pruly,
    Paurie Pendrick

    lauriekendrick

    August 26, 2007 at 3:55 pm

  3. and what praytell is wrong with monogrammed toilet paper?

    criminyjicket

    August 26, 2007 at 6:09 pm

  4. If the ink pigment didn’t contain gold and its disposal erode the core of a financial mainstay, it wouldn’t be such an issue . . . . . aww, who an I kidding?

    Frontier Former Editor

    August 26, 2007 at 6:11 pm

  5. I wonder if the “recycle your scrap gold with this free gold kit” people will take it, after I’m done with it?

    bagel of everything

    August 26, 2007 at 6:19 pm

  6. Yeah, “Paurie Pendrick”. That’s a lady with a taste for the finer things in life.

    Soylent Ape

    August 26, 2007 at 6:26 pm

  7. nothing feeds my ego more than having guests wipe their asses with my initials. but they aren’t aloud to speak of it after i let them out of the basement.

    keywork

    August 27, 2007 at 8:34 am

  8. It puts the monogrammed lotion on its skin…

    bagel of everything

    August 27, 2007 at 10:06 am

  9. Hahahahahaha.

    A “Silence of the Lamb” reference just when we needed it most!

    Fly, Fly, far away little Starling!

    You are brilliantly funny, Youngin!

    Oldster,
    LK

    lauriekendrick

    August 27, 2007 at 6:05 pm

  10. Silence of the whosits?
    Nooo
    It’s from a story my daddy used to tell me called A Shining Nightmare on Citizen Dahmer’s Street

    See, this man was caretaker of a favabean plantation/bed and breakfast for the off season, but they got snowed in and guests started going missing. Bunch of em turned up in the in the meatlocker. The cops thought he was eating them, but it was really his mother, Mrs. Rates. The television told her to come to them in their nightmares, see, and she had these metal claws for fingers. There was also something about a sled that I never really understood.
    It was a real fine bedtime story.

    bagel of everything

    August 27, 2007 at 8:47 pm

  11. “Guests will talk about the toilet tissue!”

    Yes. Yes they will.

    stepher

    September 4, 2007 at 10:33 pm

  12. Stephr: I know, right?!
    “Great for Housewarming Gifts ”
    Gosh, you shouldn’t have. Seriously, you shouldn’t have.

    bagel of everything

    September 5, 2007 at 2:50 pm

  13. […] posts: I dream of eBay with real human hair – The Scat of Luxury Ration Reality Comics: Retail Therapy – What’s […]

  14. […] ill-conceived products: A lure worse than the disease – The Scat of Luxury – Welcome to Hymen […]


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