Ration Reality

hyperbolic excellence

Ration Reality Word of the Week: CILF

with 34 comments

 

What’s a CILF? This is a CILF:

 

Her name is Laura. She’s a pretty girl, isn’t she?

Well, Nicholas Grunke thought so. So did his brother Alex, and a friend of theirs named Dustin Radke, when they saw her picture in the newspaper. They wanted to have sex with her.

Seems fairly normal, doesn’t it? Three guys see a picture of a pretty girl, most often they’ll talk, or at least think, about pulling a train on her. That’s pretty normal, right? Stay with me on this.

Well, she didn’t argue with them. Didn’t try to resist, when they went to pick her up. Why? Because she’d been dead for a whole fucking week. They had seen the picture in her obituary.

They were arrested for attempted sexual assault and theft. Charges were dropped today, however, after it was determined that the law only applies to dead people if they were killed during the act, and since Laura was already dead, the fact that she had not in fact consented to a sex act was immaterial.

So, this week’s Ration Reality Word of the Week is CILF. Laura Tennessen is a Corpse I‘d Like To Fuck.

Side note: Tothian, you might like to learn some lessons from the mistakes that these idiots made. It might help you cure that nasty virginity problem of yours …

 

 

 

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Written by jessecuster

July 27, 2007 at 5:21 pm

34 Responses

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  1. Wow. Just when I thought I’d heard it all…I should have known some sick freaks would come and blow my perception of reality out the window.

    Cody

    July 27, 2007 at 6:46 pm

  2. Yeah, Cody.
    Those Ration Reality writers are definatly some sick bastards!

    not bagel

    July 27, 2007 at 6:51 pm

  3. It’s kinda sad that we have to interpret the law to that extent.

    Soylent Ape

    July 27, 2007 at 9:58 pm

  4. 1. I’m happy [and somewhat shocked] this didn’t happen in Alabama.

    2. You know their parents are so proud.

    stepher

    July 27, 2007 at 11:28 pm

  5. Wow, thats really interesting.

    I’ve read a famous case about a rapist who thought he was raping a sleeping woman, only she was actually dead.

    However in that case, because he thought she was alive, the courts ruled he had criminal intent – and that intent could be transfered to the actual crime he committed… desecration of a corpse or some such.

    There are several laws these kids could be charged under…

    w0rmwood

    July 28, 2007 at 10:31 am

  6. w0rmwood – apparently not in Wisconsin. :P

    jessecuster

    July 28, 2007 at 11:18 am

  7. Only in less than half the states in this country is necrophilia considered a crime of any sort (local statutes notwithstanding).

    In fact, at one time (before Texas v. Alexander struck all such laws down in the U.S., more states had anti-sodomy laws than ones criminalizing sex with corpses.

    Soylent Ape

    July 29, 2007 at 12:41 am

  8. WHAT THE FUCK? Your posts are always topping each other. Wow. You are definitely MY hero.

    Stiletto

    July 29, 2007 at 12:17 pm

  9. PS One of the suspects looks just like a woman. Don’t you think?

    Stiletto

    July 29, 2007 at 12:19 pm

  10. She is pretty. I wonder how she died. Maybe while I rub one out I’ll include her in my threesome fantasy.

    Stiletto

    July 29, 2007 at 12:20 pm

  11. If you’re including her in your threesome fantasy, that’s cool. I’ve been dreaming about having you and a corpse at the same time ….

    jessecuster

    July 29, 2007 at 12:23 pm

  12. Oh my god! I’m so touched. Thank you, thank you!

    Stiletto

    July 29, 2007 at 12:34 pm

  13. The two of you should totally dig up a corpse and fuck it. I’ll write the post!

    I’m thinking…
    Reagan

    bagel of everything

    July 29, 2007 at 12:59 pm

  14. I’m not gay, Bagel. Sorry …

    jessecuster

    July 29, 2007 at 1:00 pm

  15. Is it still gay when its necrophilia? I know pedophiles aren’t necessarily gay when they fuck little boys. It’s a whole nother thing!

    Since we’re gunna be digging him up anyway..2 birds, one stone, ya know.

    Efficiency. I’m all about it.

    bagel of everything

    July 29, 2007 at 1:05 pm

  16. If you re-animate Reagan, it wouldn’t be necrophilia would it? But, then you’re back to the ‘gay’ issue.

    Soylent Ape

    July 30, 2007 at 6:13 am

  17. A menage with Reagan? Fuck that. Over my dead body…

    Stiletto

    July 30, 2007 at 8:28 am

  18. Something just dawned on me, how did a girl that young die? car crash?

    Superhero

    July 30, 2007 at 10:53 pm

  19. @ Stiletto: That’s kinda the idea with necrophilia.

    Soylent Ape

    July 30, 2007 at 11:00 pm

  20. Worse than that, Superhero. Motorcycle.

    You know the whole ‘live fast, die young, leave a beautiful corpse’ idea? In her case, I suspect 2 out of 3 was a pretty fucking rough lookin proposition.

    jessecuster

    July 30, 2007 at 11:04 pm

  21. Soy:
    “If you re-animate Reagan, it wouldn’t be necrophilia would it? But, then you’re back to the ‘gay’ issue.”

    Your use of logic sickens me.

    bagel of everything

    July 30, 2007 at 11:51 pm

  22. Necrophilia means never having to say you’re sorry.

    Bobby the K

    July 31, 2007 at 11:40 am

  23. I done chundered in my mouth a bit there. I can’t believe someone’s that desperate, or that much a loser, or that plain sick… oh wait. Yes I can.

    jeremy

    July 31, 2007 at 11:43 am

  24. Jeremy – I am so completely stealing that Chris Walken video. Holy shit, that guy is awesome.

    jessecuster

    July 31, 2007 at 11:59 am

  25. @ Jesse, Yeah, the most Beautiful Woman I ever knew Died last year In a Motorcycle crash. You can see her in the first minutes of the siamese cat on youtube.

    Superhero

    July 31, 2007 at 6:17 pm

  26. […] are some weird people in this world, and some very weird twists to the law as well. When a couple of average guys decided to dig up a recently buried woman, solely for the purpose of h…, then this was a Bad Thing. When they got arrested for actually doing so, this was probably a Good […]

  27. […] Ration Reality Word of the Week: CILF […]

  28. “Three guys see a picture of a pretty girl, most often they’ll talk, or at least think, about pulling a train on her. That’s pretty normal, right? “

    Um, no.
    Boys are gross and shouldn’t be allowed to be called people.
    I’m not sure what they should be called instead.
    “Retard” is already taken… you know, by the retarded people.

    bagel of everything

    August 24, 2007 at 5:47 pm

  29. God, I can’t bellieve this took this long to come to me . . . .

    Tail from the Crypt!

    Frontier Former Editor

    September 9, 2007 at 7:56 am

  30. Oh hell!
    That’s excellent, FFE!
    Worth the wait.

    Yay for puns that don’t suck!

    bagel of everything

    September 9, 2007 at 8:02 am

  31. I don’t know whether to say thank you or engage in decades of self-doubt and self-loathing . . .

    Frontier Former Editor

    September 9, 2007 at 8:16 am

  32. Can’t it be both? :)

    C’mon, you know we love your puns

    bagel of everything

    September 9, 2007 at 8:20 am

  33. Manic-depressiveness? What a delightful idea!

    Frontier Former Editor

    September 9, 2007 at 8:31 am

  34. Soma seeds….

    Ashes of soma. Soma overnight. Start soma. Soma to florida. Soma….

    Soma online.

    November 2, 2008 at 9:10 am


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