Ration Reality

hyperbolic excellence

I now pronounce you an ignorant homophobe

with 7 comments

 Ya’ll know I’m the bestest 2 bit hack editor on wordpress, right?
Look what I have for you! An exclusive, just for us post by the sickest of sick monkeys, Deviant.



If you were one of many people who watched and enjoyed I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry this weekend, then congratulations, for you are indeed an ignorant homophobe.

That’s ok we’re all human and we all have our weak moments… I can’t get through Mask without laughing for prolonged periods of time, but hey at least I admit it.

I don’t know that I want timely hot button issues served to me by Adam Sandler and gross-out comedies, but you take what you can get. Many people feel disgust towards gay couples and after being subjected to the Chuck and Larry trailers I can’t say I blame them. I felt uncomfortable watching two hack comics try to remain relevant with a plot setup straight out of Three’s Company.

I want to compromise with straight people though, if gay couples freak you out then I understand, and I set forth a rule that only lipstick lesbians and extremely good looking gay guys can get married with a couple of my own addendums:

greek wedding

1. Ban greek marriage. We’re for or against gay marriage, but I don’t remember ever voting for or against GREEK marriage, where the hell was I when you were all racking those votes up? The music is horrible and out of tune, the traditions are pagan-like, and no marriage ceremony I’ve been in involves breaking glasses.

Seriously, who breaks fucking glasses at a wedding? I’m pretty sure God didn’t intend for such blasphemy to occur during a wedding, and I think we can all agree that this needs to be put to an end.


jewish wedding

2. Ban Jewish weddings, because I can’t tell the difference between a Jew and a Greek, you all smell the same to me.


3. Not only should fat people not be married, they shouldn’t be allowed to kiss each other in public, have children, or even engage in completely consensual sexual acts with each other in private. In fact, we should just round them up and kill them off completely. Am I right!?



4. Retards. Throw them in with the fat people, they make me very sad.

I think my ban of Greek/Jewish Weddings and my Fat People/Retard Murder Initiatives will please 90% of you. Together we can make a completely comfortable world for one another.

Speaking of comfort, I hear the Chuck and Larry movie lacks graphics scenes of Kevin James forcibly entering Adam Sandler anally, because that would have actually been funny.

Bagel note: Go over to Deviant’s blog and ask him if his vagina is puffy. Trust me, he’ll love you for it and you can totally be BFFs.


Written by rationrealitycontributor

July 23, 2007 at 10:13 pm

7 Responses

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  1. […] I now pronounce you an ignorant homophobe I now pronounce you an ignorant homophobe Filed under: pop culture, sexuality, nsfw, weddings, contributors, marriage, humor, society, idiots, movies rationrealitycontributor @ 10:13 pm Ya ll […]

  2. Well done, Deviant. You are truly a fag’s Fag.

    Soylent Ape

    July 24, 2007 at 6:19 am

  3. OMG! Mask is the funniest movie ever! I thought I was the only person evil enough to think so.

    Rocky Dennis…he coulda been hot, if he didn’t take after his mom so much. Cher is an ugly, ugly woman.

    There was a rumor a couple years ago that Kevin James was gay and had came out. I guess it wasn’t true, then?

    bagel of everything

    July 24, 2007 at 11:36 am

  4. Well, Kevin, I guess by your definition, I’m ‘an ignorant homophobe.’

    I went to see it last night as a way to leech someone else’s AC (mine was down), and my stomach still hurts from laughing.


    July 25, 2007 at 3:44 pm

  5. […] I now pronounce you an ignorant homophobe […]

  6. I just watched the first half of the movie. Congrats, Chuck and Larry! You’ve offended the unoffendable!

    The way they use chauvinism and objectifying of women to illustrate just how hetero Chuck is made me sad.
    I couldn’t finish the film. I think it’s too late for me, the time I spent watching has already lowered my IQ considerably. Save yourselves! Don’t watch!

    bagel of everything

    November 15, 2007 at 9:27 am

  7. There’s a reason I watch Blazing Saddles instead of most new comedies. Now maybe you understand . . . .

    Frontier Former Editor

    November 15, 2007 at 2:57 pm

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