The Pop-Up Kama Sutra

The 12 most useless lists of all time

 
1. Things that make the Little House on the Prairie family cry
2. Amazing intra-office communiques
3. Soups that Gene Simmons’ nipple hair has been found in
4. Animated Gif‘s Soylent Ape has fapped to
5. Apples I could have eaten, had I been hungry
6. Reasons lemmings hate America
7. Pictures of ugly people Kevin has tricked me into looking at
8. 800 Cellular telephones weighing under 2 pounds, in no particular order
9. White males who enjoy tapwater
10. Things to think about while masturbating
11. Jewish men who love/hate their mothers
12. Ways in which RationReality.com has sold out

 

The Olympics: Killing People With Sports

Deviant wrote this for us.

Like Mussolini, he isn’t such a bad guy!

 

The Olympics: Killing People With Sports
-or-
Let Us Not Forget that Olympians Are Simply Glorified Dumb Jocks

I think it’s horseshit that news commentators are urging us not to politicize the Olympics, when the whole affair is already politicized from the beginning. When the Olympics committee decides to hold the Olympics someplace, it provides an economical boon to the local businesses. Tourism is bumped up and governments have the attention of the world where they can go ahead and pull off all sorts of propaganda shenanigans…

Jesse Owens publicly claimed Hitler wasn’t such a bad guy when the Olympics were held in Germany of all places. Yeah let’s not politicize the Olympics by having our athletes compete in Nazi Germany, way to go Olympics Committee, you just provided Nazi Germany with a 1 Million Mark profit which was probably shuttled right into the death camps.

Anti-anti-consumerism

It appears that way, items before you throw them away.
- Soylent Ape (in his sleep)

I was looking for a site that I remember seeing a long time ago. I thought it was anticonsumerism.com. I was wrong. Seems it’s being squatted on by someone who desperately needs to consume a dictionary.

AntiConsumerism: Your shopping portal! I wonder if they sell Irony^TM

I still haven’t found the site I wanted, but I’m pretty sure this isn’t it, either. Stoopid Go Ogle.

Related posts: I dream of eBay with real human hair - The Scat of Luxury
Ration Reality Comics: Retail Therapy - What’s an integrity?

WTF Films: I Wanna Be a Squirrel

 

The worst part: Soy and I actually know this guy. He’s the drummer for Craptain Jack and the Shmees. RobDogtheParrot has this to say about his film: “Bored. Dead squirrel. Dave Brockie Experience. It just all came together.”

Related posts: WTF Films: Once a Year - LolKill: Like LolCats, but deader

I wonder…do you think, maybe..it could be the same squirrel?

Bad Day

We’ve all had days when it seemed to be raining shit on our heads. Days when everything seemed to go wrong for us in every possible way. Still, it takes a story like this to put things into perspective for us:

Earlier this month, an unidentified man was driving through a residential area of Memphis in the early hours of the morning. Around 3:30 AM, the mystery motorist crashed his car into a utility pole. Staggering from the wreckage, the man mad a beeline to the home of Mr. Leroy Bruce.

The unidentified man began banging on Bruce’s front door. Bruce wisely refused him entry and, at this point, the man thought it would be a good idea to kick in one of Bruce’s windows. When the man began to insert his leg through the broken window into the living room, Bruce produced a gun and shot the man in the leg. Struggling to extricate himself from the busted window, the unidentified offender had to remove his shoes and pants.

The man eventually made his way to a McDonald’s

Chocolate is Evil, and so is Canada

Canadian divisions of Nestle, Cadbury, and Hershey have been accused of price fixing. Apparently that means anti-competitive collusion, and not simply repairing a co-dependant economy. According to Go Ogle, this is news. Not to me — I hate chocolate, and I’ve never been to Canada.

I don’t think they’ve done anything wrong. America was associating candy with pretend money back when Canadians were still worshipping that queen person. What’s a holiday without chocolate coins? Not a proper Jewish one, that’s certain. It’s extra confusing for Canadians, what with their pastel money covered in birdies and  pictures of a scary old lady who’s only once set her freakishly-oversized feet on their barren, frozen soil.

What did you pay for “In Rainbows”?

A contribution from the mind of ZachAction. All of RationReality is one collective screaming ZA fangirl!

So when Radiohead released their new album on their website a few weeks ago and let you pay whatever you want, what did you pay? I paid eight bucks and I never pay for ANYTHING anymore. I’m so used to illegally downloading things for free, I am now sometimes dismayed and outraged that I actually have to still pay for things, like a new sofa. But I paid eight bucks for “In Rainbows” and I probably would have paid a little more if I had known how much I’d like it, but after “Hail to the Thief,” who knew?

My point in all this is that my music is available for free all the time on my website, www.zachaction.com. For Christ’s sake, go download the album “Dinner at Michigan’s” already.

That really is my main point, but I’ll throw something else in.

Welcome to the Neighborhood

 Before we get into Soy’s post, go vote for our good friend Laurie Kendrick at weblogawards.  There is no signup, just a click and you’re done. -bagel

I wrote this a few months before I joined Ration Reality. The events happenned on a warm, spring day, rather than a chilly autumn one. I hope you enjoy this little slice of my existence.

Though I’m in my third decade on this earth, I basically live the same way that I did in college. I don’t say this as a point of pride–more like a resignation to the fact that my home is pretty messy, I tend to eat my meals off of napkins with plastic utensils hijacked from fast food eateries and view sleep as an enemy, using all available resources to cheat it. Last night, when any normal person would have been slumbering, I was up chatting with a good friend, playing my bass guitar, annoying my wife, grooming my cat and laughing my ass off to some obscure British television program – largely at the same time! Do I realize that it’s abnormal? Of course. “Abnormal” pretty much describes my life as a whole, I suppose.

To complicate things (so to speak), I’ve lived in a big, beige suburban “planned community” for about 6 years now. When I got married, my wife moved here with me. For the sake of my family’s privacy, I won’t reveal the pretentious name of my subdivision. Instead, I will substitute my own, more appropriate name. How about “Aryan Acres” or “Flight Path Estates”? Whatever the name, one need only look at the big, honkin’ SUVs and shiny German sedans parked in front of the townhomes here to see that my neighbors are living the suburban lifestyle to which they aspire. To their great credit, they’ve put up with our 10 year-old, cosmetically-challenged vehicles, loudmouthed (if loveable) mutt of a dog and overall bohemian lifestyle. These days, most neighbors don’t even give a second glance when they see me sporting a dog chain collar and green hair while wheeling out a massive guitar cabinet to my truck. As long as I don’t actually play through that cabinet in my home, they don’t mind. God bless them.

Well, for one new arrival, the welcome to our cozy suburban existence was a bit more jarring than my own.

Dear Pulsing Wad of Anal Mucous Excretion

 Advice from Discouragement Kitten

Question:
every time my friend calls me up and we sit down for a beer he gloats for two hours about how much money he makes and how amazing his life is and I go home feeling like shit. DK why do I keep seeing this person?

Answer:
Dear Pulsing Wad of Anal Mucous Excretion:

Obviously this guy is insecure and/or boring. He either desperately wants your approval and believes tales of his awesomeness will sway you to be impressed OR he simply has nothing else to chat about. Why on earth do you give a shit how much money he makes? What impact does the quality of his life have on the satisfaction you feel with your own life? He could have a fantastic life filled with money, an endless supply of (meaningful) sex, elephants to ride in his back yard, ninja friends, rocket cars, fruity pebbles, fuck – this piece of butt rot may well have the solution for unified fucking theory up his sleeve – how does that change how you feel about your life one iota?