Bizarre Commercials, Volume 6

Up to this point, we’ve illustrated ads produced with the intention to sell products. However, there are some television spots that are just out to make people aware (and, possibly, still sell sell products, but not in such an obvious manner. They’re called Public Service Announcements (PSAs) and here are a few of the more bizarre ones.

* G.I. Joe on Petting Strange Dogs

The National Child Safety Council created several animated PSAs to run at the end of episodes of the G.I. Joe cartoon series back in the 80s. This one cautions youngsters of the dangers of petting animals you don’t know. Admittedly, this is a fairly innocuous subject for badass military functionaries like G.I. Joe to bring up. Perhaps Mutt really wanted to say “you should never pet a strange dog because it’s loaded down with enough C-4 to blow your fuckin’ ass back to Beirut, numbnuts!”, but standards and practices thought it was a little harsh. Anyway, knowing is half the battle.

* Heavy Metal with a Social Conscience

Homeboys in Outer Space

Opening from an actual mid-90′s UPN sitcom

I love blacksploitation almost as much as I love sci-fi.
Seriously, kids. Even I was offended.

The worst thing on youtube

The comments are priceless:

In Japan, Coffee has You!

Japanese bathe in chocolate, wine, tea, and coffee.

Related posts: Japanese are strange people - Exercise Might Save Your Life 
Urine my Way -  Programmed for love, she can be quite tender

iJoy: Ridin’ Dirty

If ’shit eating grin’ is ever a word-of-the-week post, this guy will be our shining example. 

iJoyRide(nDirty): You know you want one.

Bizarre Foreign Commercials Vol III

British Car Commercial

The scene is set. A shiny, cramped-looking car parked in an unassuming neighborhood beguiles a poor kitty-cat with its open sunroof. The cat’s natural curiosity compels it to stick its head inside when the glass closes on the cat’s neck, ultimately decapitating him. This gruesome ad tells me: “Buy a Sportka…if you want to find a cat’s head in your front seat one day!” I’m surprised the British Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals hasn’t waylayed this killer car off of the market. Seriously, they say serial killers start first with animals. Get this psychotic car off of Britain’s motorways!

Bitches Love Soylent Ape

In honor of Soylent Ape‘s birthday, I’m posting his favorite youtube:
Mindless Self Indulgence’s Bitches, set to Pokémon clips. And guess what!? It doesn’t suck!

Good job, thebuttmaster – I’m sure your mommy is proud.

WTF Films: I Wanna Be a Squirrel

 

The worst part: Soy and I actually know this guy. He’s the drummer for Craptain Jack and the Shmees. RobDogtheParrot has this to say about his film: “Bored. Dead squirrel. Dave Brockie Experience. It just all came together.”

Related posts: WTF Films: Once a Year - LolKill: Like LolCats, but deader

I wonder…do you think, maybe..it could be the same squirrel?

Shirley Temple is Creepy

Poster from What Is It

Shirley Temple doesn’t hurt Shirley Temple Black, Shirley Temple helps Shirley Temple Black because Shirley Temple is remembered with love and with affection. I am thought of as a friend which I am.
- Shirley Temple on Shirley Temple (I didn’t make that up, honest)

Her admirers – middle-aged men and clergymen – respond to her dubious coquetry, to the sight of her well-shaped and desirable little body, packed with enormous vitality, only because the safety curtain of story and dialogue drops between their intelligence and their desire.
- Graham Greene on Shirley Temple

I really like to dress up as Shirley Temple and spank myself with a hockey stick
- Weird Al Yankovic on Shirley Temple

Shirley Temple is seriously creepy. Born 1928, this mop-headed Lolita just refuses to die. A child star in such pedophile-approved vehicles as Polly Tix in Washington (where she played a 4 year old prostitute), War Babies (a 5 year old barmaid), Wee Willie Winkie (don’t ask), and Littlest Rebel (in which she illustrates how happy those ever-jolly colored folk are as slaves — so long as they are allowed to dance and sing), Shirley grew up to choose the political life over the limelight.

WTF Films: Once a Year

We’ve all heard the legends: If you look in the mirror on Friday the 13th (or Halloween, or any random day, really), and you repeat, “Bloody Mary” 3 times, the tortured young soul who took her life on that unfortunate date will reveal herself and creep you the fuck out (or kill you, possibly). How much stock to put into such a legend is entirely up to you.

Well, legend has it that once a year, 3 very lucky individuals have the opportunity to “party” with a fellow named Iceland Jeremiah Jeremiah Jones who sports a twink haircut and a confounding T-shirt–but only if they: