Fuckin’ charming

Three Christmases ago, I got my first charm bracelet. It’s a sweet little silver thing with a kitty cat charm. I’ve never cared for jewelry, but I adored my bracelet. I expected I’d get more charms for it on future holidays, but I didn’t. The charms on a charm bracelet are supposed to represent the interests of the wearer. A bracelet with only one charm doesn’t say alot of good about my personality. A single kitty cat charm SCREAMS “crazy cat lady!”

So I powered up the internet machine, in search of mass-produced charms more fitting a unique individual like myself. Wow…

Disembodied Deer Head

A winged penis charm from eBay

Why does my room smell so bad?

Dear Cat,

My bedroom doesn’t smell badly enough. I’d really like it if you could find time to defecate next to my bed more often. Also, please be sure to scratch in the litter real loud while I’m sleeping, if you’d be so kind. To facilitate this, I’ve bought you a lovely nightstand-cum-litterbox.

Your loyal servant,

Bagel

How to Read a Book

iJoy: Ridin’ Dirty

If ’shit eating grin’ is ever a word-of-the-week post, this guy will be our shining example. 

iJoyRide(nDirty): You know you want one.

You say ‘lemming’ like it’s a bad thing.

You say ‘lemming’ like it’s a tote bag!
…or a hoodie, baby bib, thong panty, postcard…

CafePress.com/BadLemming
The revolution will be merchandised.

 

Making bathtime lulz of fun

I found these hygiene helpers yesterday, while Kevin was taunting me re: my preference for keeping my salad untossed.

Canus Li’l Goat’s(e) Milk Fruit Fragranced Crayon Soap
How many wrongs can you find?

More ill conceived products:
The tiniest Santa - The Nipple Extractor - A lure worse than the disease 
The Scat of Luxury -  Jesus Saves … guitar picks?

In deepest sympathy (Die soon)

We’ve got a shiny new multiple-choice greeting card available for you to not buy because you’re a cheap bastard.

 Outside: (Flames) In deepest sympathy

Inside:

I’ve just heard that you’re
going the hell for being
□gay.  □jewish.  □a furry.
□ugly.  □an asshole.  □dead. 

□Good luck with that.
□Stay away from me.
□Die soon.
□Wanna go out sometime?

The O-Face Game

It’s that time again: Crappy Catalog Season. I hate those tree murdering,  mailbox overfillers, but I can’t help flipping through the more colorful ones.  Especially Spilsbury. Their products are flimsy crap, but shiny flimsy crap, so that makes it ok. This may be the most awesome novelty game ad ever:

SHOCKING DUEL

How long can you hang on? Both contestants grab hold of a handle, then prepare for shocks of increasing intensity and duration. Shocking Duel will sort out the men from the boys!

Excuse me?

More crappy posts about shitty gifts:
Jesus Saves … guitar picks? - The Nipple Extractor - The Scat of Luxury - The tiniest Santa

We just switched themes, so expect some complications. Please let us know of any issues.

Tattoo Your Babies for Judaism

Hey kids! For those who haven’t committed suicide over the 4 day ЯR dry spell, we’re back! Vacation and shit. I was going to post to warn you, but then I didn’t. I’ve just got home, and want to post something, so I’m going to throw somethin’ at you that’s been sitting in the queue for a while. Oh, and Deviant was lucky enough to get an ЯR exclusive for his blog. Read it here– Unringing the Bell.

Convert To Judaism Breath Spray
Can’t speak a word of Yiddish and think Sabbath is an 80′s metal band?
Be part of this unique faith instantly, starting today!

Dog Toy or Sex Toy

Let’s play a game, shall we?

I’ve gathered some photos of toys available for purchase around the web. You guess which are dog toys and which are sex toys.