Baseball Team Looks to Fat Guys to Save Franchise

MLB Team Thinks Fat Male Cheerleaders will Bring in the Fans!

Miami– So, you have a team with a championship history, a growing home city with several major sports franchises with which to compete and the lowest attendance in the league. If you were part of the management braintrust charged with turning the team around, what would you do? Angle to trade for a “big name” player? Involve your players in various high-profile community activitities? Well, if you’re calling the shots for the Florida Marlins, you already have the answer!

The Marlins have put out the call for a highly-skilled, military drill-precision company of portly guys to act as cheerleaders. Ba-da Bing! Why didn’t I think of this when I was GM of the Pirates? (The Blanton Middle School Pirates, that is.) I always say, “Nothing puts butts in $85 seats on blisteringly-hot, stiflingly humid days like sweaty guys with beer guts doing a coordinated dance number to “Who Let the Dogs Out”!