Confessions of a pizza delivery girl

I put myself through college delivering your damn pizza, and I learned more from those jobs than I ever did in class.

1. We judge you: You think you already know this. You have no fucking idea. We don’t even look at your pie. We know an internet addict from a working mom before we even pull into the driveway. We sum you up on delivery, and exaggerate the story on our way back to the store. By the time your profile is shared with our fellow drivers, it would make your whore of a grandmother cry.
2. We don’t want a slice of your pie : Any driver who has been on the job longer than 2 weeks can’t fucking stand the smell of pizza. It’s permeated his/her hair, clothes, car upholstery. A shower does not take the stench away. Do not offer your driver a slice. Do, however, offer adult beverages and illicit substances.
3. We don’t remember your tip : Unless you order everyday, or your tip is extravagantly large, or a gooseegg, we aren’t going to remember it. We won’t spit in your pizza next month because you only tipped 5%.
4. How to get your pie spit in : Live a long ass way from the curb. Have alot of stairs to haul our asses up. Be better than us. Pay us in change.
5. We don’t want your coupon : Every place I’ve ever worked didn’t require the coupon. Don’t bother giving it to us unless we ask. We just wad them up, throw them on the floor of our cars.
6. Your driver is probably stoned : Unless we’re broke. If your driver doesn’t look stoned, please tip well, so s/he can get *well*
7. Your nudity : We see alot of it. Customers think they’re being outrageous, doing something noone has done before, shocking us. Frankly, in an 8hour shift, we’ve seen at least 2 customers in the all together. Don’t flash, unless you’re hot. Or have weed.
8. I am not new : If your driver tells you she is new, she is probably lying. We learn on our first day that “I’m sorry, I’m new” covers a multitude of sins, and normally nets a fat tip. If I was running late, the pizza didn’t survive the trip, or just wanted some sympathy, “I’m new”.
9. We work really fucking hard : It’s a difficult job. Late pizzas usually aren’t our fault, but we get bitched. Incomplete orders usually aren’t our fault, but we get bitched. People are assholes. Be nice to your driver

White People Need Not Apply, says Mass. Cabinet Secretary

Well now. It’s always entertaining to read when government officials say stupid shit, but this is some of the most egregiously stupid shit I’ve read about in a very long time. I mean, it’s on a par with ‘nucular’ for just outright stupidity, and it could qualify for a whole new category of prize, since it represents the official position of a department of government.

From the Worcester Business Journal:

Suzanne M. Bump, Massachusetts secretary of labor and workforce development, said she could staff her entire operation with solely white lawyers

[snip]

“I could fill my office with white lawyers,” Bump said. “We’re choked with applications from them. But they’re not going to get the job done.”

[snip]

Bump offered her remarks last week at a forum on diversity in the workplace held in Natick, co-sponsored by the MetroWest Alliance for Workforce Diversity and the MetroWest Chamber of Commerce

Now, I’m just gonna jump right out here and call bullshit. Isn’t the whole idea of our anti-discrimination laws that the color of your skin does not determine whether or not you can ‘get the job done?’ I mean, anyone that works in Human Resources in any capacity will tell you that you don’t get to pick who you hire or let go based on their race, gender, age, or what body part they’d rather get fucked with. And now a government official not only steps up to the plate and (a) admits that it’s her practice to do so, but also (b) extols it as the only way to ‘get the job done?’

Some people believe that the concept of ‘reverse discrimination’ or ‘reverse racism’ does not exist, and quite frankly that it cannot exist.  To those people, I offer up this challenge with respect to the above-linked article.  Re-read it, but every time that the word ‘white’ appears, substitute ‘hispanic’ or ‘African-American.’  Are you finished yet?  Now are you pissed?  Great. 

This is not about white power, or supremacy, or any other bullshit about how white people are better … it’s just about equal fucking protection.  Same rights that everyone else gets.  It is flat out fucking illegal to discriminate against anyone based on race. For the Massachusetts laws, see Title XXI. For Federal laws, shit. Title VII of the CRA, and the CRA of 1991 are good places to start.  Hell, Massachusetts is working on some new laws prohibiting height / weight discrimination.  Watch out – in a little bit here, the whole ‘you must be this tall to ride’ or ‘weight limit: 600 pounds’  may be illegal!  But … it’s perfectly legal to not hire white lawyers because ‘they’re not going to get the job done.’