Never trust your erection to a foreigner

Ten things learned from Overheard In New York:

1.  ”A truck ain’t a pair of jeans, son.” (Noted.)
2. “If you miss your stop, that sucks — we ain’t goin’ back” (Check.)
3. “A practical joker? Isn’t that just called a felon?” (In some countries, yes.)
4. “My psychiatrist told me two important things: one, never trust foreigners; two, don’t ever waste an erection, even if you’re alone.” (…but don’t trust that erection to a foreigner!)

A Gokkun Proposal

This post was written to focus the power of horny American wankers on a specific humanitarian need: the eradication of world hunger. To date, more than 12 visitors have given in excess of than 300 cups of seminal fluid.

The seminal fluid donated by wanks at Ration Reality is distributed to those in need by The Boxing Bishops and Chicken Chokers’ Network. 100% of spume collected goes to hungry women and children across the globe.

All of us here at RR are also deeply moved by the humanitarian efforts by the Japanese adult film industry.

Hunger: Do you know the facts?

Summertime Snowball Love

We love Discouragement Kitten!

Thanks for another blog loan!                                                                    -bagel

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Discouragement Kitten

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Question:
Advice, Huh? well finaly, someone I can ask!
So, I didn’t technicly have sex with him, cause like that Clinton guy says oral ain’t sex, but I met this guy in a liquor store a few weeks ago, and one thing led to another and I ended up in the back of his van giving him a BJ.

He was almost handsom, sort of, and he hadn’t hit me so he seemed like a nice guy. when he blew his slipery kids a minute later I felt kinda bad about it, and wasn’t sure wether to spit or swallow, so I was just sorta holding it in my mouth trying to decide. Thats when he leand down and kissed me hard. I realy had no other option than to snowball him. he didn’t seem to mind though. Kinda creepy, but kinda hot too.

So anywayz, he returns the favor right after I snowballed him, hiking my skirt up and gnawing on me with enthusiasm. Damn that was hot. I was done a couple times before he quit. Then he handed me $50 and threw me out of the van.

Now I’m not a whore, and never done sex for cash.. not directly anyway. But he seemed to think I was, and it was a free $50 so I didn’t argue with him. besides, it was Hot!

So now to my problem, its been 2 weeks, and I ain’t gotten none since then what didn’t run on batteries, but I didn’t start bleeding on time, and now I’m craving Anchovie Icecream and Chedder cheese on my cheerios.Could he have gotten me pregnate by goind down on me after I snowballed him? I’d sure hate to blow that $50 on paying Miguel Sanchez to scrape out some pre-rug rat out of my coochie.

Freedom of Speech Strikes Back

Alright kids. We got us a contribution from a real live gay person! Don’t be afraid, my friends. In many ways, teh gheys are much like real people. Except for that whole sodomizing our children thing.

I read Deviant’s highly offensive blog several times a week.  This entry had me laying on the floor gasping for air. LOTFGFA?! There’s an acronym that’ll never catch on…

You did hear about the Isaiah Washington controversy, right?

-bagel

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Deviant

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Freedom of Speech Strikes Back
or
Introducing Guest Blogger Isaiah WashingtonY hello der! This be am Isaiah Washington, ex-star of Grey’s Anatomy…

Now now now lookee here. I knows I frightens you with my big black booming black voice, but do nots be afraids, I nots gonna kill you!

I was a victim! I be bamboozled!

I’s here to shoot some brief shit with youse, seeings as how Deviant be too lazy to write now, on account o’ his too busy sucking them cock, faggot!

Oh noes, I didn’t mean to call him a faggot cuz he gay! I meant faggots meaning happy!

You people disgust me

Here at RationReality headquarters, we have a nifty little box that tells us the search engine terms you filthy fuckers have used to find us. You should be ashamed of yourselves. I’m going to tell your moms.

• mature hanging labia
• slut delivery girl
• pelvic exam movie
• mail genital tattoos
• modesto hookers
• self-performed oral sex

Yo momma, in 500 jokes

Yo momma is like a brick: heavy, hard, and laid by mexicans.
Yo momma so crazy, she makes pi look rational
Yo momma so greasy, she uses bacon as a band aid.
Yo momma such a dog, she licks peanut butter off yo cock
Yo momma so gullible, she goes to church every Sunday.
Yo momma so dumb her shoes say TGIF – toes go in front
Yo momma so broke, one time she splurged on a can of soup with the label still on it.
Yo momma such a cocktease, Soylent Ape is raping her right now
Yo momma so skanky she gives family discounts.
Yo momma so trash, she goes to community collige

Endangered Pleasures, Sex, Shit, and Yo Momma

4 more books I’d read, if I read books.

See Also: Books that exist

	How to Good-Bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way? I think constricting anus 100 times and denting navel 100 times in succession everyday is effective to good-bye depression and take back youth. You can do so at a boring meeting or in a subway. I have known 70-year-old man who has practiced it for 20 years. As a result, he has good complexion and has grown 20 years younger. His eyes sparkle. He is full of vigor, happiness and joy. He has neither complained nor born a grudge under any circumstance. Furthermore, he can make love three times in succession without drawing out. In addition, he also can have burned a strong beautiful fire within his abdomen. It can burn out the dirty stickiness of his body, release his immaterial fiber or third attention which has been confined to his stickiness. Then, he can shoot out his immaterial fiber or third attention to an object, concentrate on it and attain happy lucky feeling through the success of concentration. If you don’t know concentration which gives you peculiar pleasure, your life looks like a hell.
	Endangered Pleasures: In Defense of Naps, Bacon, Martinis, Profanity, and Other Indulgences First cigars and gin topped the list. Then red meat, Cadillacs, coffee with caffeine, and sleeping late all began to edge toward extinction. Barbara Holland makes an impassioned defense of life’s little pleasures in a book that will entertain diehard sinners, comfort the secretly licentious, and encourage those who just need a little nudge to abandon jogging and no-fat salad dressing. “Perhaps it’s a good time to reconsider pleasure at its roots,” declares Holland (Secrets of the Cat), introducing this collection of entertaining, genteel meditations. As the subtitle hints, the author, living in the Virginia countryside, is no sybaritic renegade but a woman who can find happiness in antinomies like “Working” and “Not Working,” “Buying Things” and “Saving Money,” and “Going Out” and “Staying In.” She writes with conversational ease, and some observations linger: To the miserly, “a penny spent is a penny mourned”; mail is “one of life’s small recurring pleasures”; sports, “unlike life, are played according to rules.” Holland even reveals that she drives without using her seat belt. Illustrations.
	A Portrait of Yo Mama as a Young Man Yo mama sucks. For years, everyone has talked about yo mama, pointing out her failings in important areas such as appearance, mental capacity, and weight. Now, two researchers and retired sewer cartographers have spent over a decade investigating yo mama, assembling a wide range of evidence against her. They stalked, photographed, and studied the horrible woman who brought you into this world—yo mama—then compiled their findings. Here is some of the evidence you will find in A PORTRAIT OF YO MAMA AS A YOUNG MAN: yo mama’s résumé, her last will and testament, her internet searches, personals she has placed, e-mails yo mama wrote to you while you were in college, and numerous charts and graphs. From this thorough and authoritative work you will learn facts such as: Yo mama says “comprised” when she means “composed,” as in, “I am comprised mostly of grease and sugar.” Yo mama’s so lupine, she chases rabbits. I had sex with yo mama and it was horrible. Just a horrible, horrible time. If nervous tics were pizzas, yo mama would have five pizzas that freak everybody out.

Real Life Superheroes: The Revenge

STOP THE PRESSES! The man, the mystery, the enigma, known as SUPERHERO has spoken!

THE SEQUEL TO THIS POST CAN BE FOUND HERE. 

The other day was one of those rare occasions when none of the four of us had anything to say, so we threw up a post from a guest author, the inestimable Hurricane Sluttina.  Her post was about Real Life Superheroes.  It didn’t attract that much notice for us at the time – presumably anyone who wanted to read it had already read it, over at her blog.

But then came Zetaman.

Books that exist

A list of 6 books I’d read, if I read books.
These are linked up to Amazon, where sample chapters are available free for many of them.

White Trash Etiquette: The Definitive Guide to Upscale Trailer Park Manners White Trash Etiquette contains everything you need to know to live like decent trash, including: The proper way to fake a back injury How to prevent your in-laws from stealing the silverware at wedding receptions The Ten Hottest White Trash Career Opportunities How to improve your drunk-driving skills Sound advice on everything from lying to your boss to making your next convenience-store robbery fun for the whole family There’s also troubleshooting for troublemakers: I’m getting married; can I still wear white if I’m a tramp? Can chicks ever really respect an accountant? How do I pick a good bail bondsman? How can I get my 14-year-old cousin unpregnant? And much more.

The Art of Auto-fellatio: Oral Sex for One The ultimate in safe sex — self-performed oral pleasure at any hour of the day! If you’ve ever dreamed about this practice, this book can make your fantasy a reality.  It’s both a fascinating examination of social perceptions and cultural mores, and a guide to specifics. The response to Gary Griffin’s first groundbreaking book, Penis Enlargement Methods: Fact and Phallusy was so enthusiastic that his readers asked for more, prompting research in other related areas. This eventually resulted in a complete catalog of thirteen books. The goal is to take the mystery and taboo out of male sexuality and to help every man by providing factual information about his body and its function. As the Executive Director of the American Academy of Phalloplasty Surgeons, Gary Griffin witnessed an amazing increase in interest in the subject of male sexuality that shows no signs of abating.