Chocolate is Evil, and so is Canada

Canadian divisions of Nestle, Cadbury, and Hershey have been accused of price fixing. Apparently that means anti-competitive collusion, and not simply repairing a co-dependant economy. According to Go Ogle, this is news. Not to me — I hate chocolate, and I’ve never been to Canada.

I don’t think they’ve done anything wrong. America was associating candy with pretend money back when Canadians were still worshipping that queen person. What’s a holiday without chocolate coins? Not a proper Jewish one, that’s certain. It’s extra confusing for Canadians, what with their pastel money covered in birdies and  pictures of a scary old lady who’s only once set her freakishly-oversized feet on their barren, frozen soil.

Ration Reality Product Test – Chocolate Soldier

So there I was, strolling along through the crap-infested monstrosity known as Big Lots. No matter what the advertising on television tells you, Big Lots is in fact a steaming pile of shit. This does not, however, stop me from shopping there from time to time. Today was one of those times.

While wandering the aisles, picking up off-brand Q-tips (99 cents for 1,500, you can’t beat that!), I happened upon a product called Chocolate Soldier. It’s a drink, apparently similar to Yoo-Hoo. It looked … well, quite frankly it looked fucking disgusting, and I decided that at the price of $1.50 for a six-pack, I could not pass it up. I grabbed one, put it in the cart, and rushed home to put it in the refrigerator.