Nothing is sacred…nothing save Bowie
Deviant wrote this for us, because he’s such a wonderful person
(but he’s got problems)
In the year 1972, David Jones revealed Himself as David Bowie AKA Ziggy Stardust, the leper messiah from another planet. This was before the internet, so you can imagine that it was a very big deal. People back then were ignorant, and so it was widely believed that David Bowie was indeed a space alien, especially since He looked like this:
Where is your God now?
David Bowie single-handedly invented homosexuality in the early 70′s with His glam-era albums Ziggy Stardust And The Spiders from Mars, Aladdin Sane and Diamond Dogs. Don’t get me wrong, there have been homosexuals on this earth since the beginning of time, but they were always grody rubes who snuck out on their wives to suck cocks in the back of truck stops on the New Jersey turnpike…no, homosexuality wasn’t SEXY, nor were men desirable, and least of all, homosexuality was NOT a lifestyle, it was just something you did on the weekends.
David Bowie turned on a generation of young males; the long hair, the posturing, the over-confidence masking the inner layer of self-hate, the careful attention to the public presentation of one’s ass, this confounded and aroused the modern male mind.
You are now more gay having watched the above video. Doesn’t it feel good?
After this, Bowie retired His glam persona, and in the late 70′s He concentrated His efforts on perfecting Nazism, and succeeded!
Gone from Bowie’s fascism was the anti-antisemitism and slavish devotion to Hitler. What stayed was incredible Kraftwerk-like synth blues rock, stylish marching boots, aryan blonde hair, and heroin fueled mystical babblings from a paranoid schizophrenic. My lord, if you aren’t turned on by this then nothing will satiate your cold heart.
Fact: The song Station to Station contains the greatest lyric known to man.
“Its not the side-effects of the cocaine. I’m thinking that it must be love.”
Think about it!
With the albums Station to Station, Low, Heroes, and (to a lesser extent) Lodger Bowie proved He was better than Hitler himself!
Unfortunately, David Bowie needed to sell out in order to be a big success, and so He scored a monster hit with Let’s Dance and earned His rightful place among Karaoke royalty.
Bowie ended His sellout period with His return to artistic integrity in the 90′s and 2000′s. That’s right, instead of retiring or becoming a joke like the Rolling Stones, Bowie did what few successful artists have been able to duplicate; He continued to stay relevant by virtue of His massive talent.
Heart’s Filthy Lesson, SILF to.
With the albums 1.Outside, Heathen, and Reality, Bowie officially became better than all the artists that have ever lived on this earth times infinity plus one.
With His revolutionary spirit, ingenious songs, complex ideas, and unlimited charm, David Bowie gave His all to usher in the modern age of man, an age where love is careless in its choosing, and where not knowing whether you’re a boy or a girl isn’t such a bad thing after all.
And He also probably banged Iggy Pop back when he was hot, which is just fine with me.
Think you’re funny? Submit your work!