Dear Pulsing Wad of Anal Mucous Excretion

 Advice from Discouragement Kitten

Question:
every time my friend calls me up and we sit down for a beer he gloats for two hours about how much money he makes and how amazing his life is and I go home feeling like shit. DK why do I keep seeing this person?

Answer:
Dear Pulsing Wad of Anal Mucous Excretion:

Obviously this guy is insecure and/or boring. He either desperately wants your approval and believes tales of his awesomeness will sway you to be impressed OR he simply has nothing else to chat about. Why on earth do you give a shit how much money he makes? What impact does the quality of his life have on the satisfaction you feel with your own life? He could have a fantastic life filled with money, an endless supply of (meaningful) sex, elephants to ride in his back yard, ninja friends, rocket cars, fruity pebbles, fuck – this piece of butt rot may well have the solution for unified fucking theory up his sleeve – how does that change how you feel about your life one iota?

It doesn’t (or rather, it shouldn’t). You probably hate yourself and I’d wager with good reason. It’s a boring person that measures success financially. You may want to ask yourself why you are friends with someone that doesn’t have anything more interesting to talk about than himself (or herself) constantly. Really, it’d be just as tiresome if he spoke constantly of his life being little better than a dip in the sewer. Perhaps you’re not engaging enough to attract more interesting friends.

Much Love,
Discouragement Kitten

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