The Sudoku of the Flying Toilet Brush Holder
Reviews taken from Amazon.
|The 2007-2012 Outlook for Bathroom Toilet Brushes and Holders in Greater China This study covers the latent demand outlook for bathroom toilet brushes and holders across the regions of Greater China, including provinces, autonomous regions (Guangxi, Nei Mongol, Ningxia, Xinjiang, Xizang – Tibet), municipalities (Beijing, Chongqing, Shanghai, and Tianjin), special administrative regions (Hong Kong and Macau), and Taiwan (all hereafter referred to as “regions”). Please kill me. Latent demand (in millions of U.S. dollars), or potential industry earnings (P.I.E.) estimates are given across some 1,100 cities in Greater China. For each major city in question, the percent share the city is of the region and of Greater China is reported. Each major city is defined as an area of “economic population”, as opposed to the demographic population within a legal geographic boundary. Take away all my pain. For many cities, the economic population is much larger that the population within the city limits; this is especially true for the cities of the Western regions. For the coastal regions, cities which are close to other major cities or which represent, by themselves, a high percent of the regional population, actual city-level population is closer to the economic population (e.g. in Beijing). Please for the love of God, just fucking kill me. Based on this “economic” definition of population, comparative benchmarks allow the reader to quickly gauge a city’s marketing and distribution value vis-à-vis others. This exercise is quite useful…|
|The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster CAN I GET A “RAMEN” FROM THE CONGREGATION?!
Behold the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM), today’s fastest growing carbohydrate-based religion. According to church founder Bobby Henderson, the universe and all life within it were created by a mystical and divine being: the Flying Spaghetti Monster. What drives the FSM’s devout followers, a.k.a. Pastafarians? Some say it’s the assuring touch from the FSM’s “noodly appendage.” Then there are those who love the worship service, which is conducted in pirate talk and attended by congregants in dashing buccaneer garb. Still others are drawn to the Church’s flimsy moral standards, religious holidays every Friday, or the fact that Pastafarian heaven is way cooler: Does your heaven have a Stripper Factory and a Beer Volcano? Intelligent Design has finally met its match–and it has nothing to do with apes or the Olive Garden of Eden.
Within these pages, Bobby Henderson outlines the true facts– dispelling such malicious myths as evolution (“only a theory”), science (“only a lot of theories”), and whether we’re really descended from apes (fact: Humans share 95 percent of their DNA with chimpanzees, but they share 99.9 percent with pirates!)
|English as a Second F*cking Language: How to Swear Effectively, Explained in Detail with Numerous Examples Taken From Everyday Life America swears by it!In the English language, swearing is essential to effective communication. Whether you want to succeed in business, school, or social circles, a strong command of vocabulary is absolutely necessary. Just imagine a stranger to our shores, trying to comprehend the following conversation: John: Mary, would you like to attend the opera this evening?Mary: F*cking-A. should I wear my black dress?John: Why the f*ck not?Mary: F*cked if I know-Oh, f*ck! I just remembered. It got f*cked up in the wash.John: Well, f*ck the opera. Let’s stay home and f*ck.Mary: Good f*cking idea.English as a Second F*cking Language (ESF*L) is the perfect way for nonnative speakers to learn the basics of swearing. At the same time, it also offers native speakers a wide variety of twists and new refinements. Page after page, ESF*L provides a smorgasbord of swearing synonyms designed to boost your vocabulary-everything from the conventional d*mn and sh*t to a host of more inventive terms that would make any truck driver blush. And when you’re finished reading, our Final F*cking Exam is the perfect test of your swearing skills. You’ll be surprised by how much you’ve learned!|
|Snakes on a Sudoku
There Are Snakes on the Sudoku! I Repeat, There Are Snakes on the Sudoku!
When we said we wanted to combine the excitement of Snakes on a Plane with the intellectual stimulation of sudoku, everyone said we were crazy.
Well, who’s crazy now?
We totally took regular sudoku puzzles, got rid of those safe 3-by-3 squares, and replaced them with deadly snakes.
There are over 1,500 snakes in this book, and Agent Flynn isn’t here to help you.
Are you ready for the challenge?
Bagel Note: Are you sure they said “crazy” and not “refuckingtarded” ?