Real Life Superheroes: The Other Side
With all the controversy attached to our earlier articles (found HERE, HERE, and HERE), there’s been some agitation from the Real Life Superhero community about how they’re being portrayed unfairly. How we’re making them out to be losers. How we’re just making fun of them, and taunting them.
Well, folks, I’m here to tell you that, for the most part this is entirely true.
The part that’s left over though, that we’re not making fun of, is populated by guys like Superhero. We like Superhero. He’s literate, articularte, and has a good sense of humor. He’s willing to engage with the public. So, when we put out the open invitation to any Real Life Superhero to submit something to us to show the Real Life Superheroes from their own point of view, he was the first one to step up to the plate. We’ve got one more article from a Real Life Superhero as well - we’ll be posting soon.
Anyway, without further ado … Superhero speaks:
Okay, I’m not a writer, but I’ll try to show “the other side of Real Life Superheroes” anyway.
Let’s see, the first thing I notice that all these articles get into is the 140-pound comic-book geek with a bath towel around their neck hiding in alleys from the police out to get killed by a mugger. This is not really the case but I’m sure it stems from public image of kids playing superhero in comics and on television over the years. I’m actually a Police advocate who flies logistical support for Clearwater’s police department.
One day at the gym a SWAT friend of mine informed me how undermanned they were and how sometimes they don’t even have time to get lunch. I was already “heroing” at that time - doing roadside assistance for people and such - and decided to start bringing lunch to my friends on patrol as well. The next thing I knew I was in the local news for donating an ARMA 100 stun cannon to the SWAT team and pet beacons and teeth treats to the K9 unit. Now when I go out on patrol I usually get “hey, Superhero” from most of the police I pull up to. I then became a local radio celebrity on the Buckethead show. It all just kind of happened.
I’m sure the next question is “What does he mean by patrol?”
Well, about twice a week, more or less, if I’m going to an event like talking to kindergarteners or something, I suit up, load up the Supermobile, and head out into Clearwater. Here is an excerpt from my most recent patrol report of a typical road rescue:
Instead what I found was a Buick broken down in the middle of Gulf to Bay with two young women & a four year old in it! I pulled in behind it, and after a quick assessment determined the battery was the cause. Unfortunately the battery was too far drained to jump it with my charger. So quickly, when the light changed again I pushed the car across the street (Yes one handed) into a plaza parking lot, and called the location tag and description into CPD so they would know where they were. After it was established that AAA would come and change the battery and everyone was safe, I got ready to head out. One of the women said “What do we owe you?” I gotta admit I was dumbfounded by this. I said “You don’t owe me anything, I’m a SUPERHERO” (duh) and headed home.
Then I usually find some homeless guys to feed and patrol around Fort Harrison to make sure nobody is harassing the Scientologists. (No, I’m not religious I just want to help everybody. That’s only fair.)
I patrol the beach, too - the nicest in the United States I might add - then fly for home and file a report on MySpace to let anybody who’s interested know what happened. I do get a lot of readers: apparently it makes people feel better knowing somebody might pull over and help them. I feel good about that.
I’m sure the next question is: “aren’t you scared your going to get your head blown off?”
I’ve nearly been shot once. I’ve been involved in a high speed intercept - Clearwater made the collar.
Once I accidentally interrupted a domestic violence call, which is a serious offense. The fact that I’m Superhero got me a pat on the shoulder from two officers who did not know me yet and a “Oh yeah! You’re that GUY! Get outta here!” Which I did…fast.
Although I do scan police channels on my scanner thru my flight helmet, I do not roll on police calls - these guys realized I goofed up and let me go. The only police call I will roll on is “Officer Down.” I have informed my cop friends at the gym that I will do this and that they cannot stop me. They seem to accept this fact.
I’m not just floor jacks and fire extinguishers, though. I carry bear mace, a cobra baton, a 90,000 volt stun gun and an 
ARMA 100 shot cannon. I was a professional wrestler and boxer. I’m ex-military and a power lifter. I’m 220 solid ones and I can take care of myself, and nobody hurts my friends. But for the most part, if I run into trouble, I call it in. The police are there for a reason.
I have the exact same arrest powers as anybody reading this article: citizen’s arrest. If a perp is going to leave the scene or is hurting someone, then I will step in and use reasonable force to detain them.
I obey the law. I don’t want to go to jail myself. I’m sure a guy in red tights would fare real well in prison.
That’s about what I do. Anybody with questions, I’m happy to answer, either reach me thru this forum or contact me here: www.myspace.com/dalzilla .
Thanks for your time
SH
Superhero is going to be in a film. Check my website for more info.
Way to go Superhero!
ZG
Thank you for helping us to better understand, Superhero.
We do still have another contribution, which I’ll be posting later in the week.
I’d like to say that we are no longer actively seeking articles on the subject, but we have not closed ourselves to future articles. If you feel you have something intelligent or witty to say on the subject, you’re welcome to submit it.
Superhero, I’m sorry man. I hate to say this, but it looks like the Lesbian Gang Rapists might have beat you out for traffic today …..
http://rationreality.com/2007/07/09/lesbian-gang-rapists/
Well, it’s hard to beat a lesbian rape gang with good deeds.
But don’t be sellin SH short, Jesse. I enjoyed his article very much, and am proud to have it on our site.
Lesbian Gang Rapists???
This looks like a Job for SUPERHERO!
:)
How did I know you’d feel that way, SH? :)
@Bagel … I’m not selling him short, not at all. I would never dare do that to someone that can deadlift fucking 405.
I can deadlift 420 :)
Not pounds, but still.
*giggles uncontrollably*
I’m hungered…
Superhero’s a great guy. Glad you guys are more fair than Something Awful.
Thanks for enlightening us, Superhero. You seem to be doing a great job. The “high-speed pursuit” you mentioned threw up a red flag for me, but I don’t have all the particulars on it. Keep up the good work.
It was a Hit & Run in a SUV that killed a kid, I was near the Location & raced to intercept him. He beat me past the crossroads & I missed him. So I folloewd his course & started searching the Big parking lots at Best but & costco thinking he would try to ditch the SUV. CPD pick the guy up further up the road. The next day a officer thanked me for my asistance.
@Hardwire-
It does not sound like you have stairs in your house. I, on the other hand, am protected.
But seriously, we’re not trying to compete with SA, not in any way. They’re just too damn good at what they do.
And also, because we’re scared of them.
Oh, and Hardwire …
I’m concerned about you. Your pictures show you spending time hanging out in the women’s underwear section of … looks like a Wal Mart?
I mean, I could understand if you were gawking at the front window of Vicky’s, or even Frederick’s … but Wal-Mart?
Tsk-tsk. You may just have made the next hit list. :)
Hardwire is a good kid. I liked the SA article on me. They put my picture up with the caption “Capt. faggot to the rescue” I thought it was so funny I had a friend photoshop a picture of me changing my gimmick to Pink & Purple & sent it to them :)
(See myspace pics)
Oh, & then I caught flak from heroes network with satements like “DON”T send people pics like that! they won’t think we are badass & cool!”
Which reminds me, Superhero: check this out:
http://www.corvetteblogger.com/index.cfm/2007/7/10/Video-Real-Life-Superhero-Drives-A-1975-Corvette
WOW! I made the corvette news! that is awesome! I LOVE my car. She’s part of the American dream.
@ Jesse, If your neighbor Destroyed a 78 Limited edition, it’s a double tragedy. especially if the car was part of the original batch of 300 that had the Indy stickers.
Yup. It was the full-on double tragedy.
Triple tragedy, really. He didn’t learn his lesson about drunk driving from that. Later on he killed some people, and died himself, in a wreck while driving drunk.
Sad
New post here:
The World Needs Heroes
Superhero on the radio! Sweet!
http://blogtalkradio.com/hostpage.aspx?show_id=40144
Good day! dudes please tell me where can I found free pron
Hey Bagel, just wanted to make sure you got the DVD I sent you?
I’ve not been to the post office yet.
I’ll try to go Monday.
I’m excited!
Cool.