I dream of eBay with real human hair
Last night I had the most realistic dream I’ve ever suffered. I dreamed I went shopping with my mother.
It was hell.
My mother shops like (an addict, a professional wrestler, an ocd?).
She tries on everything in the store at least three times and buys half of it. Two or three pieces she wears, while the rest feed the moths in her closet.
I shop like a man. I have a plan when I goto the store. I know what I want before I go there. If I want pants, I goto where the store keeps the pants. I hate trying things on, but I have to, as I’m about as good at guessing the right size as a six year old. I do tend to detour towards any clearance racks I may sense, as I do have a vagina.
I’m pretty much a lesbian, except for that whole sexual preference thing.
Don’t get me wrong, I do like pretty things.
I opened a window into eBay to find some examples of pretty things I like, intending to share a few photos of the beautiful things I enjoy (weapons, folk-art, folk-art-weapons). I’ve not eBayed in a while, and was completely unprepared for what I found:
This dude makes celebrity likenesses out of goose-eggs.
Marilyn Monroe, Prince, Captain Picard, Criss Angel, Biggie Smalls, Laurel & Hardy, Anna Nicole Smith, Jay Z, The Pope.
As fine as his art, he also has the wost ever website: iamjohntheeggman.com
Seems there were no American Idol eggs. I wonder if they sold out, or the artist is “above” that.
“This sculpture was throw on a potters wheel. It has a hole in the neck like a vase. This auction is for a “one of a kind” sculpture by Famous artist Ed Drahanchuk. Made in clay a female bust with little man caught in bosom. The Statue is named “Booby Trap”. Comical yet seductive.”
Hell yeah! To quote poet/philosopher Dr. Zoidberg, “One art, please.”
Bronze Gothic Nude Men Book Ends
“Accessorize your home with your personal touch Style is often conveyed in the details. This set of BRONZE GOTHIC NUDE MEN Book Ends is The Perfect blend of practicality and luxury”
(insert lame goth joke here)
I need this so fucking much.
Cat-a-Pult Feline Launcher
“Do cats really always land on their feet? With the Cat-A-Pult™ you can put the old saying to the test by flinging felines across the room. Just load one of the 1-3/8″ (3.5 cm) plastic cats into the 5-3/4″ (14.6 cm) plastic shooting device and pull the trigger! It’s the best thing since cat juggling! 4 cats included. Illustrated blistercard.”
Cockroaches are about 1 3/8″, aren’t they?
“SHE IS SO OLD. SHE IS ABOUT 17 AND 1/2 INCHES TALL.EVERYTHING ABOUT HER LOOKS GERMAN TO ME.THE DOLL IS ALL COMPOSITION.SHE HAS LONG HUMAN HAIR THAT IS FASTENED UP ON HER HEAD BY LONG OLD FASHIONED BOBBY PINS.HER EYES LOOK LIKE OLD GLASS EYES.THERE ARE SPRINGS HOLDING HER LIMBS AND HEAD ON.HER JOINTS ARE STILL NICE AND TIGHT.SHE HAS SOME CRAZE LINES ON HER FACE AND MORE AROUND HER EARS AND UNDER HER HAIR.”
Scary zombie doll! The rambling description is much longer, but I was afraid my clipboard would start shooting tech students had I copied the whole thing.
Seems my whole life is an intro to a tangent.